Fact Up Beyond All Recognition

Here are some facts that I made up.  Use them to sow discord, panic, and confusion.

Approximately 2.3% of humans are deathly allergic to ice.  Luckily, most of them live near the equator.

Gene Kelly was an ordained minister, and used to perform secret marriage ceremonies for all the gays in Hollywood.  He did so under the alias “Reverend Lockwood.”  Sometimes the ceremony would conclude with a  song-and-dance number and at least four transvestites.

“Dank” is used today to describe particularly sticky, hairy, mondo weed because back in the 60’s some stoner in Amsterdam didn’t know how to write or pronounce “dank je!”

The sound hyenas make is actually nervous laughter, as they are very self-conscious and don’t like being photographed.

OMG, this one time this guy TOTALLY overdosed on Tums and the EMT’s were all like “quick!  Get him something spicy!!  Poblano peppers, stat!”  He almost died, but like, there was this Qdoba’s just down the street.

The “gram” as a unit of measurement was a nod by Phillip Metric (father/creator of the Metric System) to his late grandmother.  The family generally referred to her as “Gram” or “Grammy.”  In fact, Thomas Edison was so taken with her (they almost married!) that he named the Gramophone after her as well.

Think about that the next time you pick up a gram of dank while watching the Grammys.  Seriously.

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3 responses to “Fact Up Beyond All Recognition

  1. Next time that I get stoned with my Grammy and, after getting the munchies, you can bet we won’t stuff ourselves with all of the delicious goodies in her kitchen and then take TUMS to relieve our bloating bellies! If my Grandma wasn’t dead ( she was allergic to ice, being chewed by Hyenas, who ripped her limb from limb…..true story.) that would be our plan. True story.

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