I Need Stats…STAT!!

A quick post since, you know…I haven’t done one in forever.  I need to give a tip o’ the hat to my good pal and fabulous international dream-expert superstar Lauri Loewenberg, whose site (ahem..lauriloewenberg.com) get visits from everybody, all the time.  Seriously, since today’s blog is about stats consider this: Lauri’s website gets enough pageviews a day to account for every single man, woman, and marsupial on the damn planet visiting it twice daily.  Twice. (Okay, maybe I’m just guessing on those stats, but still…)

A large portion of Lauri’s webhits (literally million a minute.  Millions.) come from people searching her out after seeing her expert dream analysis on shows like The View, The Today Show, Dr. Oz, and Adventure Time!  Okay, not Adventure Time, although if an animated rendering of Lauri showed up alongside Finn and Jake, my head would literally explode from the sheer awesomeness of it all.  The point is, her Facebook status yesterday was bemoaning the strange and, honestly, sexually deviant search terms entered into the likes of Google that ultimately brought people to her webpage. To test a, well, ahem…a theory of mine, I Googled “Lauri Loewenberg wearing a Slave Princess Leia bikini” and while I sadly did NOT find the requested images, I did ultimately find some killer new rock radio morning shows and a link to Lauri’s page.  See, kids?  Google works!

I think Ima hafta do another "page visit" if you know what I mean.

This whole thing led me to recall a blog I did a while ago on the strange search terms people have used to find MY silly little blog.  I hate to brag, but literally dozens of people have read this page.  Dozens.  And this morning, here’s what search terms have led people to my site:

It's nice to see that people have accepted that BBT isn't funny and are now more concerned with WHY it isn't funny.

“Short Pecker Awards?”  Really?  Well, shucks…I guess it’s a pleasure just to be nominated.

Another cool feature that WordPress gives bloggers is a measure of where in the world (literally) your page hits are coming from.  It’s pretty cool to see that two people from Turkey looked at my site today.  I credit that to Keyser Soze and company keeping tabs on me. (Special message to Mr. Soze: I’ll never forget what you did for me back in the fall of 2004.  Everything’s fine now, and the new penis works great!)

Hey, Greenland...what am I, chopped herring?!?

I guess in closing I’ll just say, well, thanks.  Thanks for checking me out, and reminding me just how small the world truly is nowadays.  Not as small as my pecker, mind you, but still…

19 thoughts on “I Need Stats…STAT!!

  1. I just refreshed the page 10 times so that should boost your stats. It is true that posting things with sexually deviant terms will definitely boost your numbers. That is because the web is made up of 97% deviants, 2.9% Kim Kardashian, and 0.1% everyone else.

    Perhaps you could check out my blog since I just moved it to my own server and only had 12 out of 200 readers resubscribe. I need stats too.


  2. You will find my visit is the result of searching WordPress for the blogging tag. You have followers that anyone would envy. I cannot imagine you only get dozens of visitors. I wouldn’t worry about the search term too much. They have no idea how big your penis is. With my blog name I would have a complex if I let search terms bother me. Perhaps I am one of those deviants Rob spoke of?


      1. I’ve really fallen behind. There are some amazing people out there doing great blogs. But since I haven’t even had time to keep my own stinkin’ blog up-to-date, well…


  3. My #2 search to my blog is still Mary Lou Wretched feet. I’m seriously considering doing a foot fetish website to help raise money for a sweet new pair of roller skates. I’m just that desperate.


  4. Ways to give Turner Watson more views:
    Tell friends it’s porn
    Read daily
    Post on facebook

    Yea I suck at ideas…


      1. Yep! I could also say walking dead and my mom and some of my friends will be all over it. I need to add that to the list!


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