Before we continue with the hottest ladies of Comicdom, some honorable mentions: Characters that almost made the cut, and why they didn’t…
PSYLOCKE. Sorry, doll…mental powers are a dime a dozen, especially in the Marvel Universe. You wear a thong. Awesome. Gotta do better than that, though.
BLACK CANARY. Oh, you wear fishnets and can scream really loud? Congratulations! You’re a Derby Girl!
STORM. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always found ‘Roro to be stunningly beautiful. Just not “sexy.” Much like Cindy Crawford. Actually, I preferred the punk-rock Storm from the late-eighties romance with Forge. But then she went back to her Wind-Goddess kimono look and lost me.
SCARLET WITCH. That headpiece/mask thing always made her look like Count Chocula. Can’t get down with that.
BLACK CAT. You’re a silver-haired Catwoman wannabe. Yep. Somebody had to say it.
Okay then! Without further ado….as Casey Kasem would say, “On with the countdown!” Only these aren’t numbered, so…dang it. Forgot to number these.
WHITE QUEEN/EMMA FROST
Confession time. I have never seen “X-Men: First Class.” Missed it in theaters and Redbox. It ain’t on Netflix. Thus, I am out of the loop. As a result, everything in this entry is from my own comic-book research and memory. So shaddup if it doesn’t jibe with what you know. Moving on…The White Queen first showed up in the pages of the Uncanny X-Men in 1980 as part of the evil Hellfire Club. Back then she was (like EVERYBODY ELSE, APPARENTLY) a psychic. When they started rebooting all the story lines a few years back, a lot of characters developed “secondary mutations.” For example, the Beast actually started looking like a large, blue cat. Because of course he did. Anyway, one of the additional mutations given to The White Queen (now simply Emma Frost because she’s totally good now, you see) was the ability to harden her skin into diamonds or somesuch. Oh, she also sometimes bangs Cyclops. Dude has a thing for psychic women. Weird. Finally, Emma looks a lot like Jenna Jameson.
Confession part two. The only reason I know ANYTHING about Power Girl is because sooooo many chicks cosplay as this character, I had to find out how legit she was. The answer? Totally. Also? Why didn’t they just call her “TitWoman” or “Super Rack” or something? Seriously! She was introduced as the Earth-2 Supergirl or aw-fuck-it-close-enough back in 1976 and even then they had her jugs hanging out all over the place. No logo or design on her costume. Just cleavage. As far as I can tell, she’s got all of Supe’s powers, being his Kryptonian cousin (reason number 568 to dislike Superman? His family was apparently the 1% of Krypton. THEY all managed to get off the planet. Wonder how many hard-working farmers and union men did? Not many. Fascists.) And Power Girl once beat down Wonder Woman. So I guess she ain’t all bad, and honestly, deliberate jug-revealing cut-out aside I like her neat, clean uniform. It’s almost realistic. Except for, you know…those.
Ah, there she is! You knew I was gonna make you wait, yeah? Yeah. Selina Kyle. One of Batman’s oldest frienemies. Lover. Adversary. She is the sexiest hero/villainess in comicdom. Period. Because she’s a bad girl. Because she’s messed-up. Because she displays the occasional glimpse of conscience. Because she has on at least one occasion whooped Batman’s ass. Because the leather. Because Eartha Kitt. Because Julie Newmar. Because Michelle Pfeiffer and Halle Berry and Anne Hathaway. Because the modern day “Hush” storyline. Because cats are sexy, and black ones can be bad luck. Just like a woman. Just like her. She’s dangerous, and we love that about her. Guys often complain about how girls always fall for the “bad boy.” Well fellas, spend some time with Ms. Kyle. You’ll have a new perspective.
MARY JANE WATSON
Yes. You knew she had to be on this list somewhere, right? Even though the list is in no particular order, Catwoman and MJ had to be near the end. It’s for the same reason that the milk is always at the back of the store…you have to walk all the way back to get it, and might be tempted to pick up a few other items along the way. And no, my fascination with Mary Jane is NOT because we share a last name. That would almost be gross. Almost.
No, Ms. Watson makes the list because she encompasses so many of the great things about the women on this list. The confidence of She-Hulk. The attainability of Gwen Stacy. The spunk and attitude of Catwoman. Plus, she’s a redhead. And since day one, artists have drawn her to be as absolutely foxy as possible.
Aaaaaand Exhibit C:
Take a good look at that last image. She’s sad, because her man has to rush off to risk his life to keep everyone safe. (Also because her Chai Latte is getting cold. Seriously, chick loves her some hot beverages!) But she’s proud of him, as she wears his logo on her t-shirt. She’s also sad because the paper keeps calling him a menace when HE’S CLEARLY NOT!! Basically, MJ is every wife of every deployed soldier, cop, or firefighter. She’s proud of him and scared to death for him. And she’s tough enough on her own, too. How many bad guys have tried to use her as bait to catch ol’ Web-Head? (Um, sorry Gwen!) How many attempts have been made on her life by revenge-seeking psychos? And yet never once does she run away or say “Fuck this! I love you Peter, but I don’t wanna get killed by some loser with a ski mask and bad monologues. Not worth it. Bye.” Nope. A keeper, this one. She is hot. She knew Petey in high school when he was a wimp, and maybe even loved him anyway. She’s tough and funny and GOOD GOD, LOOK AT HER!! She’s the girl next door. She’s almost out of your class, Tiger. But when she smiles at you…oh, boy. Oh, boy. She is love. She is sex. She is loyalty and friendship. She’s human. She’s the best.
(Ed. Note: The artist responsible for that iconic final Mary Jane panel is J. Scott Campbell. He draws Disney princesses that will make you hafta excuse yourself to your jack-sock. Check him out here. You’ll thank me.)