Turner Watson

We love sports movies. For some of us, the ones who have played the game, sports films bring us back, they remind us of our glory days, the greatness of youth, and old friends. For some, these movies are as close as they’ll ever get to being on a winning team, of having the camaraderie of a locker room. But mainly these sort of films translate well because of the inherent drama. The excitement, the human element, the passion, the elation…and the loss, the pain. The best ones manage to pull it off because they include enough of those elements that we can relate to, those islands of reality amongst the sea of fantasy. So, that’s where I was coming from when compiling this list. Okay, right away, I’ll tell you that The Mighty Ducks franchise ain’t here. Obviously, it’s a franchise not remotely rooted in reality, while still managing to be very enjoyable. (The first two films are infinitely re-watchable, even today.) But the knucklepuck, the Flying V, the goalie swap in D2, and so on are in no way meant to be realistic, and that’s okay. These films (and the, uh…somewhat disappointing Disney+ follow-up series. Oof.) are meant for kids. They’re also hockey movies for people who have never actually played hockey (including over 75% of the audience.) Considering that focus, it all makes sense. But this particular list (my blog, my rules) was inspired by my boy “Cowboy” Chris Chalmers on the Oilersnation Real Life podcast, who wondered which sports films offered the best depiction of on-field (or, in this case, on-ice) action. The obvious answer is Bull Durham, full stop. But rather than comb through the myriad of classic sports movies, from Rocky to American Flyers to The Replacements, I ultimately decided to narrow it down to hockey flicks for this exercise. Hockey is the best sport in the world, but its very nature (the speed, the collisions, the penalty box, the, you know…ice) makes it very difficult for filmmakers to accurately capture. However, its three-act structure is actually perfect, from a storytelling perspective. So, here are the best of the best, based on the following criteria, each out of five:

One-Ice footage (practice and games)

Locker room culture

Actors/sets/dialogue are believable

Goon

On Ice: 3

Locker Room: 5

Believability: 3.5

TOTAL SCORE: 11.5

So, like Slap Shot (you know it’s coming later in the blog), a big part of the believability score comes from the ridiculous violence. Yeah, I get it…the film was called “Goon” fer chrissakes, so you expect some blood. And like Russell Crowe in Mystery, Alaska (also coming up), Sean William Scott just isn’t in any way a decent skater. So, between the cartoonish game sequences and the main character not being a convincing hockey player, this one has to get some deductions. But as for the heart of the game, and why guys play, and the way a team bonds and comes together and plays for…and FIGHTS for…one another, this movie does nail it. You don’t step on the logo. You block shots. When your teammate is going though it (like, say, a divorce) you let him lean on you. I’ll freely admit, I thought Goon was going to be a stupid slapstick send-up of the greatest game on Earth. I was so pleasantly surprised to find so much to love about it, though…much like Shoresy, which I expected to be a one-note gag series about a very thin peripheral character from another show, but ended up being one of my favorites. (Too bad it’s not a movie, or it’d do pretty well on this list.)

Youngblood

On Ice: 4

Locker Room: 4.5

Believability: 3.5

TOTAL SCORE: 12

When I was a youngster playing hockey in the 1980’s, I consumed any and all hockey-related media I could. I had a subscription to The Hockey News, I’d check the box scores in the paper the next day, I’d watch the Hartford – Minnesota game on ESPN, and I’d listen to AM radio broadcasts of games literally a thousand miles away. At that point, the only hockey movie worth watching was the classic Slap Shot, which was showing its age even by the mid-80’s. Then, gloriously, along came Youngblood. We were all starving for something that felt a bit younger, newer, more modern. And boy, did this film deliver. Now, some might view the 3.5 for believability as low, considering Patrick Swayze was an accomplished skater, and looked every bit an OHL team captain. Hell, even actual NHLers like the late Peter Zezel appeared as supporting characters. But it was the little stuff…the fact that the budget didn’t allow for home and away uniforms, the way ol’ Deaner learned to get tough in what had to have been a matter of days, and the fact that Rob Lowe, as handsome as he is, just didn’t have a real hockey butt. (Sorry, but come on. Now, Cynthia Gibb, on the other hand…what an absolute rocket. Gott DAMM, teenage me fell in love with young Jessie Chadwick.) The locker room stuff is okay, and yeah, hazing used to be more prevalent in the 80’s, but Sutton eating a rose…while wearing his aviators…and the whole focus on simply going Number One in the draft…and Zezel using the leg press machine while still WEARING HIS PANTS AND PADS FROM THE WAIST DOWN…those all deduct a few points. Although kudos to Keanu reeves for doing a helluva job with his butterfly down and ups during practice.

Mystery, Alaska

On Ice: 4

Locker Room: 5

Believability: 4

TOTAL SCORE: 13

Let’s just go ahead and get this part out of the way: Russel Crowe is an Australian actor who’d never skated before this film was made. And as much as the script addresses his lack of foot speed and such, I just never fully bought into the “he’s on the team because he’s a great leader” narrative. Now, he DOES give a seriously good speech or two, and he gets the accent mostly right. But that stuff aside, holy hell…anyone who has played hockey, from pick-up inline hockey to beer league to the Saskatoon Blades has been in that locker room. I played for a while with a guy from Maine, who said the film brought back so many memories, both the on-ice pond hockey stuff to the atmosphere in the locker room. And he’s right. Burt Reynolds didn’t seem like he’d be my first choice to play the older, stricter coach, but I think he hits the correct notes. “Hockey is played at BOTH ends of the ice.” Yes, coach. Finally, something I’ve always found interesting…apparently in hockey films, in order to be really great, the name on the back of your sweater should say “BANKS.”

Miracle

On Ice: 4

Locker Room: 4.5

Believability: 5

TOTAL SCORE: 13.5

I mean, you’d expect high marks for believability based on the fact that, well…we all know this story, as it actually freakin’ happened. But the fact that Disney recruited actors who could skate first, and act second (rather than teaching Hollywood types to play the game) adds a level of realism that not many movies could hope to match (honorable mention: Shoresy, which, again, I didn’t review here, as it’s a show, not a movie. Sorry, I had to make cuts, guys.) And then there’s Kurt Russell. Kurt’s son Wyatt had a bit of a minor-league career as a goalie, including stopping pucks in the 2022 NHL All-Star Game’s breakaway challenge. When the filmmakers asked Kurt to play Herb Brooks, he agreed, but only if they would do most of the shooting in Vancouver…where Wyatt was playing hockey at the time. I had the chance to speak to 1980 Team USA hockey captain Mike Eruzione a few times, and asked him about Kurt’s portrayal of Herb Brooks. Eruzione told me “Oh, Kurt was way too nice. He was a regular teddy bear compared to Herb.” That being said, Kurt Russell is the best movie hockey coach ever, edging out Ed Lauter’s fantastic turn as Hamilton Bulldogs coach “Mad Dog” Murray Chadwick in Youngblood. As for the locker room and culture, the film was mostly spot-on, including the tough parts, like when Ralph Cox ends up being the last player cut from the team. Ouch. The off-ice training, the on-ice drills, and the cinematography/choreography of the games themselves was perfection. The only reason the realism score doesn’t get a perfect five is that, due to this being a Disney film, the language, innuendo, and rampant alcohol consumption had to all be dialed back. Come on, now. You know those kids had puck bunnies and beers after every game, Disney. You KNOW it.

Slap Shot

On Ice: 4

Locker room: 5

Believability: 5

TOTAL SCORE: 14

Come on. You KNEW this was going to top the list. Slap Shot is the gold standard, and even though much of the movie seems terribly dated, and some of the Hanson Brothers antics were a tad unrealistic, the overall feeling, the culture of hockey (especially in the minor leagues) was immaculate. The bus rides, the team hanging out away from the rink, the beers and cards in the hotel rooms…all 100% legit. And Paul Newman and the others could actually skate! The only drawback is the Hanson Brothers stuff, along with the all-star goon squad assembled by the Bulldogs for the finale. That was a bit far-fetched, but hey, it’s also stuff we all remember and quote and reenact during pickup games and road hockey. The chicks, the beers, the pre-game naps, the precarious clinging to that minor-league dream, the hanging on to the game itself perhaps a bit too long…it’s all right there in glorious technicolor. They really captured the spirit of the thing.