Tag internet

Show Prep!

Turner L. Watson 14 Comments

Hey, gang!  Just a quick li’l blog today to give some shout-outs to five of the most useful websites on the Interwebs.  Specifically useful for my particular line of work, which is that of radio asshole and dick-joke teller at the legendary 98.9 the Bear in Ft. Wayne, Indiana.  Contrary to popular belief, a lot of what I share or refer to on the air has been gleaned from a variety of sources.  Television, video games, etc. are part of what we in the biz call “show prep.”  But son, if you gon’ be legit, you need to immerse yourself in the culture of the internet.  And it’s not just the on-air stuff anymore; nowadays anyone in ANY branch of the media has to have a Facebook and Twitter presence at the very least.  The pages I’m going to share will allow you (yes, YOU!) to steal good ideas with impunity.  See, none other than the legendary voice-over guy/announcer Don Pardo once told a friend “Amateurs borrow.  Professionals steal.”  Okay, then.  Away we go…

5) Cracked

cracked

First things first: this site would be much higher on the list if I was ranking on the basis of quality writing and depth.  This page has that and more.  Good God, there are so many well-written and hilarious pieces here that you can easily spend hours upon hours reading and, yes, learning.  It’s so goddam wonderful. Actually, Cracked is so rich it often does the OPPOSITE of helping my radio presentation. I get sucked into a wormhole of delicious facts and stories and look up and OH MY GOD!!! I’VE GOT TO GIVE AWAY TICKETS TO SEE HINDER AND SAVING ABLE!!!  FUCK!!  For sheer on-the-go show prep, it’s not as handy.  For immersing yourself for a bit and sipping a nice single-malt scotch while laughing your balls off, it’s perfect.  Fun fact: I sort-of cribbed the look and layout of this page from the Cracked model.  I have less stuff, so it appears more streamlined.  But really, I wish I had more stuff.

I know.  You’re asking “wait!  What about the Onion?!”  the Onion remains great.  It is the Daily Show of the internet.  But since I can’t very well use parody stories as actual talking points (as I am not FOX News) I had to leave it out.

4) Gorilla Mask

gorillamask

Firstly, don’t make the mistake of going to gorillamask.com…that’s not where you want to end up.  Especially at work.  gorillamask.net is where it’s at.  Unlike Cracked, there’s less original content here and fewer written articles.  But what Gorilla Mask does offer is an amazing rundown of everything…and I mean EVERYTHING interesting on the internet.  In addition to the links to sites like Cracked (and other sites on this list as well as some honorable mentions) and galleries of hot chicks, the “news feed” layout gives you links to the hottest trending crap the web has regurgitated in the last several hours.  I’ve discovered many wonderful websites just by clicking away happily.  If you’re a rock jock looking for stuff to talk about, go here first.

3) The Chive

thechive

The mighty, mighty Chive.  #KCCO. Mind the Gap. Hump Day.  DAR.  My God, how this page has shaped the way we view (and sift through) the imagery and stories of the daily digital flotsam. I’m so very proud to say that the founders of this colossus of the internet hail from Ft. Wayne, the same town in which I ply my trade.  I actually ran into one of the fellas at the airport last year as I was flying to San Jose. (I think it was John.  Or Dan.  I think there’s a Dan.  Or a Doug.  Not sure, really.)  Like an idiot, I shouted “CHIVE ON!” and like a gracious person, he smiled and waved back.

Anyway.  Where was I?  Oh, yeah.  Some will deride the Chive the same way they like to poo-poo their favorite band when that band becomes successful and has millions of downloads and is seen partying with porn stars at the Whiskey.  Yes, much of what you see in the DAR galleries and such has been featured on Reddit or somesuch already.  Hey, good for knowing that, you fucking hipster.  Good.  You’re better at going to Reddit than I am. Fuck you, I was busy having sex and drinking Negra Modelo’s at Bree Olson’s pad (she’s from Ft. Wayne, too) while she grilled up some vegetarian lunch or some shit.  Excuse me for not grasping the importance of the fact that your goddam Grumpy Cat meme post was getting upvotes a week before it made it to the Chive. (Editor’s note: I want to make it very clear that while I have been to Bree’s place and had a lovely time, at no point did we have sex. With each other, anyway.)

The Chive is a lot like America’s top 40 Countdown with Casey Kasem (not that Seacrest crap.)  If you manage to make one of the Chive’s galleries or get mentioned somehow or spotted wearing one of their Bill Murray shirts, then you’ve made it to the Top of the Internet.  Take a bow.  That’s what’s great about the Chive.  It’s the big-leagues, motherfucker.  Recognize.

2) I Heart Chaos

iheartchaos
 

Now, this site is a lot like some of the ones I’ve already mentioned.  But it’s also nothing like those sites.  Sure, they let viewers/readers submit their own links and content.  Unlike Reddit or 4Chan or whatever, IHC does tend to supervise the content so it doesn’t end up being a terrible mish-mash message-post sort of thing.  In that respect, it’s sort of Chive-like.  But whereas the Chive is a perfect example of slick, capitalist marketing and promotion, I Heart Chaos is more like a punk-rock DIY community, and frankly it feels like that to me.  The Chive is a club you join and has its own language and secret handshakes.  IHC is an actual clubhouse and there’s a little grime in the corners and mildew in the community shower.  And god damn it, I love that.  There’s also a propensity by the moderators (primarily the founder, CranberryZero along with some trusted cohorts) to delve into the Neil DeGrasse Tyson-fuelled world of popular science.  You’ll see videos from a lab in Russia that has managed to demonstrate actual photon teleportation alongside a sexy cosplay of a female Link.  There are metal music videos and movie rumors.  It’s pretty much perfect.  Like any such site, there are times when I’ve already seen the trailer for “Pacific Rim” on another page.  Fine by me.  Because I can watch it here AND check out the NSFW galleries before clicking on that speech by Carl Sagan.  I heart I Heart Chaos.

1) Reddit

reddit_logo

Mos Eisley Spaceport.  You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. All true.  However, you know what else you can find at Mos Eisley?  Huh?  Do you?  Here’s a hint:  it’s why the fuck Ben Kenobi took young Skywalker there in the first place: a ship.  More generally, a means to go anywhere.  Everywhere.  It’s the best and worst of everything.  It’s the wild west.  Precious gems and exotic spices side-by-side with runny-eyed whores who have weeping, festering sores on their lips, just down from a couple of addicts clawing in the dust in the withering Tatooine midday sun.  That, my friends, is Reddit.  Like Mos Eisley, Reddit is not the safest place for wide-eyed, innocent internet travellers.  Best watch your step, son.

But MY GOD the stuff you find on Reddit.  So. Much. Stuff.  It’s not all good.  It’s not all what you need or want.  But trust me, it’s THERE.  Important tip for first-timers:  browse the front page a bit.  Get your feet wet before you dive in.  Then, once you’re comfortable, create an account.  Seriously.  This serves two purposes. The obvious first benefit is that you can then submit and comment and downvote or upvote and all that.  But the secondary purpose of an account is to customize your Reddit experience.  Don’t want to see posts from r/wtf or r/gonewild showing up on your frontpage?  Done.  Want to keep the Star Trek subreddit front-and-center?  Okay.

Beyond that, there’s no way to adequately describe Reddit except to say that you will spend the rest of your life there.  Good luck and God speed, friend.  Now go put your show together.

 
 

A Few of My Favorite Memes

Turner L. Watson 6 Comments

I PROMISE to get on a more regular blogging schedule.  New work hours, kids out of school…it’ll be rough, but I think I can do it.  Thanks, in the meantime, for your patience.  Now, on with the countdown…

Let’s begin with a bit of a primer for those who have been off-net since 1998.  Merriam-Webster defines a “meme” thusly:

“an idea, behavior, style, or usage that spreads from person to person within a culture”
Fair enough.  But that doesn’t really capture the modern interpretation.  Specifically, the Internet meme (rhymes with ‘beam’).  Since it’s the future and everything, here’s what Wikipedia has to say: ‘An Internet meme is an idea that is propagated through the World Wide Web. The idea may take the form of a hyperlink, video, picture, website, hashtag, or just a word or phrase, such as intentionally misspelling the word “more” as “moar” or “the” as “teh”.’

In other words, Pedobear.  It’s “I see what you did there.”   It’s goatse (I WILL NOT HYPERLINK THAT!!!)  It’s “Dog Fort” and “LOLCats.” It’s “Chocolate Rain” and so on.  Usually, these things find their way to Facebook and other social media in the form of a one-sheet graphic with some sort of hilarious caption, because those are just easier to share.  And that’s all the education you’re getting, because if you didn’t know what a meme was previous to this post, you are now saying to yourself  “Oh!  So they’ve got a name for this phenomenon!”  They do.  Here endeth the lesson.

On to my faves.  I actually sort of got a minor meme going a while back with a photo of my son Simon enjoying his sixth birthday celebration.  Like many modern memes, it was based on (stolen from) another well-known image:  the Cocaine Bear.  Basically, a large Kodiak bear with snow all over his face bellowing “I FUCKING LOVE COCAINE!”  Mine was a kid with birthday cake.  So, yeah…

Happy birthday, kid. You’re internet famous for .18 seconds.

Others hopped on the bandwagon for those .18 seconds and replaced my caption with their own, with text ranging from “THIS IS SPARTA!” to other less savory remarks that made me glad that this one was short-lived. And therein lies the life-cycle of most internet memes.  They come and go so very quickly…today’s Gotye and “Call Me Maybe” memes will be tomorrow’s “Scumbag Steve” or Rebecca Black. But the truly great ones endure.  Memes like…

Philosoraptor

This one has been around for so long, there are actually a variety of different image macros in use.  My favorite is the one seen below, the two-color raptor pondering the universe, a wise finger/claw to his lip (even though the large claw on velociraptor was on his foot, so…he must be fairly flexible.)  Philosoraptor often asks simple questions about things no one ever truly answers, like “Where in the story does it say Humpty Dumpty was an egg?”  Because this meme is so popular, there’s a lot of complete crap out there associated with Philosoraptor.  But there are tons of  gems, too…

Also, “If atheism is a religion, then is ‘bald’ a hair color?”

Fry

Yes, the guy from Futurama.  You’ll also see this meme listed as “Suspicious Fry” or “Doubting Fry” or some other description based on, well…the look on Fry’s face in this particular macro.  The beauty of this entry is it can be used over and over and over.  It is truly timeless.  Most of the best Fry meme entries begin with “Not sure if…” and then an ironic observation.  This message is so omnipresent, you’ll see the phrase used in regular text posts and Facebook comments: Not sure if ugly baby or retarded dwarf…

Fry (and all the Futurama characters, actually) can be found in multiple memes, often cross-pollinating and taking on lives of their own.  Fry pops up in “Oh!  I see what you did there…” and countless others.  Classic.

Not sure if X or just Y. Instant comedy!

Courage Wolf There are dozens of great Advice Animal internet memes.  Some of them aren’t really giving advice; they just make observations on specific situations, like “Socially Awkward Penguin” and some go out of their way to give terrible advice, like the aptly-named “Bad Advice Kitten.”  But Courage Wolf (along with his considerably more aggressive and downright psychotic cousin, the “Insanity Wolf”) dishes out the ass-kicking that you need.  Take those trite, over-used motivational posters and turn up the volume 550% and you get Courage Wolf. One of the best examples that I can remember is where Courage Wolf (just a snarling wolf head on a yellow-gold pinwheel quartered background) looked me in the eye and told me “The only thing standing between you and your dreams is YOUR pussy ass!”  Fuck, I needed to hear that.  And honestly felt better after reading  that message.  “If God gives you lemons, FIND A NEW GOD!!

See, Insanity Wolf always goes juuuust a bit too far…

60’s Spidey My love of ol’ web-head has been well-documented.  He’s one of my all-time favorites for so many reasons.  That may be why I like this meme so goddam much.  It takes scenes from the old 1960’s Spider-Man cartoon (from whence came the insanely stupid but catchy Spider-Man theme song) and adds non-sequitur quotes or captions.  Most of them make absolutely no sense, and many are hilarious.  My faves are the “LOL What am I doing?” captions,  because after looking at the damned scene you ask yourself the same question.

Honorable Mentions

You’re gonna hafta Google these or play catch-up on Reddit, ’cause I ain’t got time to get into ’em all.  Some of these are fairly recent, and as such haven’t proved their mettle.  But dig ’em while they last…

Berks.  I love the “Berks” meme.  Specifically, I love trying to translate what the unfortunate-looking young lady is saying in the captions.  The good ones will literally make you cry with laughter.

Scumbag Steve (Scumbag Everything) It started out as a chavvy-looking douche in matching coat and flat-brimmed cap basically bumming smokes, weed, your sister, etc.  It’s since evolved into  Scumbag *insert person/website here* wherein one thing is promised but something else entirely is delivered.

All The Things! Another X the Y style image macro.  A crudely drawn cartoon person holding a broom (or paintbrush?  Unlit torch?  Hard to tell) and pumping a fist in the air exhorts you to “Upvote all the posts!” or “Close all the tabs!” or somesuch.

Brace yourself…X is coming. This sprung from the iconic picture of the stoic Ned Stark from the Game of Thrones HBO series warning the people of Westeros that “Winter is Coming.”  This meme is used on the likes of Reddit to warm “Brace yourselves.  The Halloween costume posts are coming.”  In other words, an impending flood of comments or posts on some recent event or news item. The incredible thing is, this meme lives on even though the Ned Stark character is (spoiler alert!) beheaded in season one of that series.

Call Me Maybe.  This is fairly new, and in response to that insipid song that you’ll hear all summer.  My favorite thus far involves George Michael from Arrested Development hopefully saying “call me, Maeby.”  Darth Vader, Leslie Nielsen (“Don’t call me maybe.”) amdothers have taken up the chant, but this one will only last as long as the song.  In other words, prolly as bit too long.

Oh, jeez.  Out of time.  Of course, as I put this puppy together, I see no fewer than two other sites doing “Top Meme” posts.  Good timing…I haz it!  Until next time…