https://turnerwatson.com/2026/04/02/ad-astra-2/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/nasa_seal.svg_.webpNASA_seal.svghttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/sts_51l_crew_photo_s85-44253.webpsts_51l_crew_photo_s85-44253https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/15hs-sci-apollo-soyuz-01-fglm-videosixteenbynine3000.jpg15HS-sci-apollo-soyuz-01-fglm-videoSixteenByNine30002026-04-02T20:47:04+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2025/09/05/medicine/2025-09-05T14:43:39+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2024/07/12/the-spirit-of-the-thing/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/slapshot-movie-a1734e65-75f7-404d-8de9-b3640903b1bc.webpslapshot-movie-a1734e65-75f7-404d-8de9-b3640903b1bchttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/herb.jpgherbhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/mystery-alaska-9-700x299-1.jpgMystery-Alaska-9-700x299https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/youngblood-locker-room-1.jpgyoungblood locker roomhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/youngblood-locker-room.jpgyoungblood locker roomhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/070-goon.jpg070-goon2025-04-02T15:25:07+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2024/11/06/the-realization/2025-04-02T15:24:48+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2025/04/02/now-were-cha-cha-ing/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/nerds.jpgnerdshttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/cup-smile.jpgcup smilehttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/cigar-smile.jpgcigar smilehttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/junior-year.jpgjunior yearhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/84-85.jpg84-852025-04-02T15:24:27+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2024/06/04/the-velociraptor-incident-an-oral-history/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/tw-jp.jpegtw JPhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/mex-and-me.jpegmex and meJohn and me at a different sort of "Power Hour"/2024-07-11T20:07:00+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2024/05/31/horace-campbell/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/pack.jpgpack2024-05-31T15:11:08+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2021/05/13/chapter-22/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/devils-header.jpgdevil's header2021-05-13T19:54:34+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2020/06/05/changing-things/2020-06-05T20:19:24+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2020/04/22/clock-watching-during-quarantine/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/20200422_140730.jpg20200422_1407302020-04-22T22:09:28+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2019/12/03/context-is-king/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/screen-shot-2019-12-03-at-12.26.05-pm-2.pngScreen Shot 2019-12-03 at 12.26.05 PM (2)https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/screen-shot-2019-12-03-at-12.07.52-pm-2.pngScreen Shot 2019-12-03 at 12.07.52 PM (2)I mean, come on! Showing her KNEE! Like some shameless HUSSY!2019-12-03T17:29:55+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/09/04/the-argument/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/captain_kirk_princess_leia_by_angeelous_dc-d7amqdl.jpgcaptain_kirk_princess_leia_by_angeelous_dc-d7amqdlhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/star-wars-x-star-trek.jpgstar-wars-x-star-trekI love this shit. I really do.2018-06-29T00:53:19+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2015/09/24/quitting-monopoly/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/11828572_10207241065927208_2781501788167571932_n.jpg11828572_10207241065927208_2781501788167571932_nhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/11828572_10207241065927208_2781501788167571932_n-1.jpg11828572_10207241065927208_2781501788167571932_n-1Palermo, the dinosaur hatchling. Seeya 'round the universe, bub.2018-06-29T00:50:52+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/10/23/that-one-guy-black-hawk-down-edition/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/116-942.jpg116.942https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/brian-van-holt.jpgbrian van holthttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/tom-hardy.jpgtom hardyhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/nikolaj-coster-waldau.jpgnikolaj coster-waldauhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/gregory-sporleder.jpggregory sporlederhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/tom-guiry.jpgtom guiryhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/ty-burrell.jpgty burrellhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/george-harris.jpggeorge harrishttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/orlando-bloom.jpgorlando bloomhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/richard-tyson.jpgrichard tyson2018-06-29T00:49:21+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2016/07/14/american-wedding/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/13645159_735336000323_2111561303666986710_n1.jpg13645159_735336000323_2111561303666986710_nhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/13654183_735336050223_3824823779063623612_n1.jpg13654183_735336050223_3824823779063623612_nhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/13654183_735336050223_3824823779063623612_n.jpg13654183_735336050223_3824823779063623612_nhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/13631416_10153681942239212_7486511902689624494_n.jpg13631416_10153681942239212_7486511902689624494_nhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/13620890_995933317172577_5127331417352448103_n.jpg13620890_995933317172577_5127331417352448103_n"Where you from, Paul?" "My mom."https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/13645159_735336000323_2111561303666986710_n.jpg13645159_735336000323_2111561303666986710_nhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/article-walsh-2-0707.jpgarticle-walsh-2-07072018-06-29T00:48:32+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2016/02/08/shallow-grave/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/exoplanet-star-sunrise-dawn-morning-sky-satellites-gas-giant-rings-light-atmosphere-surface-mountain-water-tree-reflections-life.jpgexoplanet-star-sunrise-dawn-morning-sky-satellites-gas-giant-rings-light-atmosphere-surface-mountain-water-tree-reflections-life2018-06-29T00:47:50+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2016/03/18/a-solution-for-marvel/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/avengers_vs_x_men_by_icequeen654123-d6hqo2i.jpgavengers_vs_x_men_by_icequeen654123-d6hqo2ihttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/x-men_forever_2_01_0091.jpgx-men_forever_2_01_00912018-06-29T00:47:19+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2017/06/10/ad-astra/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/screen-shot-2016-09-21-at-12-05-00-pm1.pngScreen Shot 2016-09-21 at 12.05.00 PMhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/screen-shot-2017-06-10-at-11-32-02-am.pngScreen Shot 2017-06-10 at 11.32.02 AM2018-06-29T00:47:00+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2018/06/27/patagonia/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/ship.jpgArtist’s impression of the interstellar asteroid `OumuamuaThis artist’s impression shows the first interstellar asteroid: `Oumuamua. This unique object was discovered on 19 October 2017 by the Pan-STARRS 1 telescope in Hawai`i. Subsequent observations from ESO’s Very Large Telescope in Chile and other observatories around the world show that it was travelling through space for millions of years before its chance encounter with our star system. `Oumuamua seems to be a dark red highly-elongated metallic or rocky object, about 400 metres long, and is unlike anything normally found in the Solar System.2018-06-28T13:18:22+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/my-real-job/2018-06-27T20:10:11+00:00weekly0.6https://turnerwatson.com/2017/09/26/fake-stats/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/slide1.jpgSlide1"Goddammit, can't calculate right now...thinkin' 'bout dat stanky CHEESE!"https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/drowning.jpgdrowningWell, hi there, Sheldon!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/vqh9fuu.pngVqh9fUuLike, any second now.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/a2d46696030804a54549b7bf4c36d132.jpga2d46696030804a54549b7bf4c36d132"Ughugugugug...can ye cover up that portrait of me ex? Olive cants stands that whore, and it's erfectin me loves life!"2017-09-26T17:26:02+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2017/09/12/what-i-did-last-summer/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/20170912_114142.jpg20170912_114142Plus, I mean...a place to hang an old Robert August promo flyer (autographed!)https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/final-lo-816x503.jpgfinal-lo-816x503A mobile-based work of expanded fiction, based on a mobile-based FPS game. Welcome to the future, kids.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/20645174_1360697524029486_3659040625727166978_o.jpg20645174_1360697524029486_3659040625727166978_o...to this.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/16143821_1164041780361729_7924958329452501075_o.jpg16143821_1164041780361729_7924958329452501075_oBasically from this...2017-09-12T16:28:29+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2017/03/15/funball-sportacular/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/shutterstock_92569492.jpgshutterstock_92569492https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/7b6cb015b04a15df8d954664c1e99985.jpg7b6cb015b04a15df8d954664c1e99985Barry Sanders deserves so much better than a '99 Mustang.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/0f904906e1785078076d3134d7a01659.jpg0f904906e1785078076d3134d7a01659"Perhaps my flowing locks will distract everyone from these brutal uniforms..."2017-03-15T22:51:37+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/about/about-2/2017-03-08T18:25:49+00:00weekly0.6https://turnerwatson.com/2017/02/16/saving-radio/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/live_and_local_0.jpglive_and_local_02017-03-23T10:31:42+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2016/11/29/symbols/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/bill-of-rights-11.jpgbill-of-rights-1https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/bill-of-rights-1.jpgbill-of-rights-12016-12-04T20:00:29+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2016/09/27/sweater-weather/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/cut-8.jpgcut-8https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/images.jpegimageshttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/unknown.pngunknownhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/unknown.jpegunknownhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/cut.jpgcuthttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/cut-7.jpgcut-7https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/cut-6.jpgcut-6https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/cut-2.jpgcut-2https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/cut-3.jpgcut-3https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/cut-1.jpgcut-12016-09-28T03:50:40+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2016/08/23/engage/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/picard-engage-0-0.jpgpicard-engage.0.02016-08-24T13:38:58+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2016/06/15/ray-the-warthog/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/a-10c_81-0956_december20096_650.jpgA-10C_81-0956_December20096_6502016-06-15T23:38:59+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2016/04/28/pirate-trouble/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/20160428_211207.jpg20160428_2112072016-05-01T16:30:06+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2016/03/16/why-bernie/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/160220102538-bernie-sanders-civil-rights-1963-arrest-photo-smerconish-00001723-large-169.jpg160220102538-bernie-sanders-civil-rights-1963-arrest-photo-smerconish-00001723-large-169https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/20-bernie-sanders-arrested-chicago-tribune-w1200-h630.jpg20-bernie-sanders-arrested-chicago-tribune.w1200.h6302016-03-24T14:02:41+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2014/11/13/and-then-this-happened/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/20141105_083319.jpg20141105_083319Work.2016-02-09T13:22:45+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2016/01/28/video-breakdown-til-tuesday-believed-you-were-lucky/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/screen-shot-2016-01-27-at-9-33-16-pm.pngScreen Shot 2016-01-27 at 9.33.16 PMLaugh all you want, and then tell me what other reason there could possibly be for this. Huh, smart guy?https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/screen-shot-2016-01-27-at-9-32-07-pm.pngScreen Shot 2016-01-27 at 9.32.07 PMCAMERA ONE! GODDAMMIT, AIMEE!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/screen-shot-2016-01-27-at-9-30-00-pm.pngScreen Shot 2016-01-27 at 9.30.00 PMActually, it looks more like a Dr. Evil move...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/screen-shot-2016-01-27-at-9-28-34-pm.pngScreen Shot 2016-01-27 at 9.28.34 PMHe's just patiently waiting for his chance to yell "OMAHA!"https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/screen-shot-2016-01-27-at-9-26-54-pm.pngScreen Shot 2016-01-27 at 9.26.54 PM|AT LEAST IT'S NOT MONOPOLY! HAHA!| Translated from goldfish.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/screen-shot-2016-01-27-at-9-25-11-pm.pngScreen Shot 2016-01-27 at 9.25.11 PMMemories. Memories were in the box, asshole.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/screen-shot-2016-01-27-at-9-22-55-pm.pngScreen Shot 2016-01-27 at 9.22.55 PMAre those...birds? Or did someone drop a bunch of Playtex gloves?https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/screen-shot-2016-01-27-at-9-20-36-pm.pngScreen Shot 2016-01-27 at 9.20.36 PMThe new ones just say "Reply hazy. Fuck you."https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/screen-shot-2016-01-27-at-9-18-19-pm.pngScreen Shot 2016-01-27 at 9.18.19 PMCamera one, Aimee. Camera one. Camera ONE.2016-01-29T13:26:01+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2016/01/19/the-captain-the-rookie-and-the-mystic/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/slide12.jpgSlide1I totally wanted the "D" in this particular case.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/slide11.jpgSlide1Everything a growing boy needs!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/20160113_2059551.jpg20160113_205955The Three Musketeers. The Holy Trinity. Geddy, Neil, and Alex. 2016-01-20T02:10:55+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2016/01/13/single-malt-hat-trick/2016-01-14T02:04:01+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2016/01/11/the-whisky-mystery/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/20160111_182511.jpg20160111_182511Crap. Should've said 'SPOILER ALERT!'https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/20160111_1800411.jpg20160111_180041'So what am I looking for, some sort--OH! Oh, that's pretty bad-ass!'https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/20160111_1800311.jpg20160111_180031'See what? Just looks like a regular ol' page to me...'https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/20160111_173256.jpg20160111_173256A story I'll read to my grandchildren one day.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/dewarswhitelabel175new__05897__44262-1358534145-1280-1280.jpgdewarswhitelabel175new__05897__44262.1358534145.1280.1280Pictured: a 'glass' of Dewar's.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/20160111_203734.jpg20160111_203734Hello,gorgeous...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/20160111_173013.jpg20160111_173013My cats were less excited about the ghastly blue setting.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/20160111_173143.jpg20160111_173143Or the older bike lock ever found.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/20160111_172717.jpg20160111_172717See, usually I prefer to pee myself AFTER I drink, thank you very much.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/20160111_172740.jpg20160111_172740That door either leads to all the whisky, or grandpa's old killin' cellar.2016-01-23T14:17:35+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2015/12/23/sweet-christmas/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/jesus-football.jpgjesus-footballJesus was clearly forward of the line of scrimmage.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/320687_550156254997822_485779308_n.jpg320687_550156254997822_485779308_nPictured: everything bad.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/merryoldsanta.jpgMerryOldSantaOh, that's a doll. Thank God. I thought I was going to have to write a really dark Polish Santa joke.2015-12-23T17:08:20+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2015/11/10/a-civilian-addresses-the-usmc/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/20130227-usmc.jpg20130227-usmc2015-11-12T13:19:07+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2015/10/15/your-own-universe/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/082010_choose_your_own_adventure_t.jpg082010_choose_your_own_adventure_tUnless it's this one, which has nothing but TOTALLY KICK-ASS endings.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/maxresdefault.jpgmaxresdefaultAnd some people aren't exactly sure WHAT they've seen.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/ass_jfk_motorcade_big.jpgass_JFK_Motorcade_Big"Mr. President, do you think we should bring some official news cameras?" "Ha! If anything happens, I'm sure a shaky hand-cam will be all anyone will ever need. Drive on!"https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/unknown.jpegUnknownAnd some of us believe we ARE the whole universe.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/avozmdk_700b.jpgaVOzmdK_700bAnd yet, this is also a kitty corpse.2015-10-16T00:17:22+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2015/06/18/the-doors-of-ice-and-fire/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/unknown.jpegUnknownBrotherhood Without Bass (See, some of you will totally get that)2015-06-19T15:23:30+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2015/06/09/waiting-with-motia/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/c0c42fd684d022fc45a115dd612dce3a.jpgc0c42fd684d022fc45a115dd612dce3a2015-06-09T21:06:06+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2015/06/04/trying-new-things/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/1609769_621556014587489_2914449503190118708_n.jpg1609769_621556014587489_2914449503190118708_nI'll be completely honest, I just wanted to see how photos displayed on the new page. Oh, and there are spiders everywhere on this blog. Sleep tight.2015-06-06T16:47:55+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2015/05/20/how-not-to-lose-your-leg/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/img_20150508_212915.jpgIMG_20150508_212915Got my Netflix...got my Depends on...I'm good to go!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/20150513_113655.jpg20150513_113655And a lot of waiting. And selfie-taking, natch.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/20150507_095123.jpg20150507_095123Afterwards, I thought "Huh. Hope I didn't interfere with some guy's heart monitor or something..."https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/20150507_092931.jpg20150507_092931"Heeeeeeere, monster! C'mon out, buddy!" (And yes, that's me on the table. I spared you the rest of the pics.)2015-05-21T16:20:54+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2015/05/01/when-bad-guys-were-pssies/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/kevin-spacey200.jpgKevin-Spacey200A really smug Bob 'Keyser' Belcher.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/images-1.jpegimages-1"Hey, kids...wanna see my Percy?"https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/images.jpegimagesWhen the guy from 'The Hills Have Eyes' is your sidekick, you are officially a bad-ass.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/road-warrior-wez.jpgRoad-Warrior-WezEven the Kurgan would turn tail and run from all that crazy.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/bennett-commando.jpgbennett-commandoHey, nice tactical sweater-vest!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/pointbreak_spit.jpgpointbreak_spitKICK THAT FIRE, ROSIE! YEAH! KICK IT! KICK IT AGAIN!2015-05-01T21:01:25+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2015/03/24/saying-goodbye-with-a-crappy-movie/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/james_kirk_2270s.jpgJames_Kirk,_2270sAll the poon. James T. Kirk got ALL the poon. In the galaxy. All of it. There ain't none left.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/matte-2.jpgmatte-2Seriously, is this like a Colorforms playset?https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/ilia-in-robe1.jpgilia-in-robe"My God, Jim! He just used the same photo twice in the same blog!"https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/box1a.jpgAGFA DIGITAL CAMERAYou could literally re-enact 97% of the movie with this one playset.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/ilia-in-robe.jpgilia-in-robe"Stand back, Jim. I'm not sure how big this thing gets."https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/iamnotspock.jpgiamnotspockAlthough perhaps he COULD make up his Vulcan mind...2015-03-25T00:38:27+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2015/02/20/the-unified-space-epic-theory/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/tumblr_m7mmf3qmfh1qa1o5zo1_500.jpgtumblr_m7mmf3QmFh1qa1o5zo1_500Pictured: deleted scene from Alien VS Predatorhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/redstripe.jpgRedStripeHOORAY, TOASTERS!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/redstripecylonflbr__scaled_600.jpgredstripecylonflbr__scaled_600Very good. Now turn to your right.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/xpoggih.pngXPOGgIhSidebar: she is NEVER getting her deposit back.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/261-28-767195.png261-28-767195Or, again...one of your mom's dildos. https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/screen-shot-2015-01-19-at-2-52-38-pm.pngScreen Shot 2015-01-19 at 2.52.38 PMAlso pictured: at least one of your mom's dildos. ZING!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/3ab51a8e9a0bdfb576dc7a835cd1cdba.jpg3ab51a8e9a0bdfb576dc7a835cd1cdbaThat's Chinese for FRAKKIN' TOASTERS!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/anti-aircraft-gun.jpganti-aircraft-gunSee that logo? Top center? Keep in mind, this is Mal Reynolds' gun from the battle of Serenity Valley.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/chief-galen-tyrol.jpgChief-Galen-TyrolBut you've gotta admit: kick-ass shirt, you gods-damned toaster!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/135282.jpg135282I don't...oh, jesus. Did I miss the last shuttle off-world? Fuck.2015-02-20T22:00:31+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2015/02/06/musings/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/nighynye.pngnighynyeSee, now I don't remember which is which.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/humphrey-bogart.jpghumphrey-bogartAnd no, Bogey. Liking margaritas does not make you gay.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/2214978631_45348c240b.jpg2214978631_45348c240bSo close. Maybe Frank would work better in a Ren & Stimpy revival...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/sbath.jpgSbathI think this is from the actual show, and I'm pretty sure that's Bill Bixby.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/hippo.jpghippoPictured: utter, dismal failurehttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/merry_pipe1.jpgmerry_pipe1I left the Shire before it was cool.2015-02-08T16:58:43+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2015/01/18/job-love/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/guys.jpgguysOne of these two is a friggin' VP. How about that?2015-01-19T17:58:46+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2014/12/17/before-and-after/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/3213520-3332377097-09061.jpg3213520-3332377097-09061Until now.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/me-myself-and-irene-di-4.jpgme-myself-and-irene-DI-4Like anyone would seriously believe that these two, would...uh...oh.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/thing-head-crab.jpgthing-head-crabNot to be confused with the Headcrabs from the Half Life series.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/mysteriousmrse-shintareviewsthelaststarfighter325.jpgMysteriousMrsE-ShintaReviewsTheLastStarfighter325Yeah, try and TELL me that ain't what a spaceship looks like, son.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/tron_134pyxurz.jpgTron_134PyxurzEerily lifelike.2014-12-18T14:46:16+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2014/10/22/the-story-so-far/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/mike7.jpegmike7Does this look a little pink, man? ZING!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/battlestar-galactica-miniseries-gaius-baltar-number-6-caprica.jpgbattlestar-galactica-miniseries-gaius-baltar-number-6-capricaWanna hit Starbucks? Nah, she's out playing pyramid. ZING!!2014-10-23T14:09:33+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2014/09/22/listen-watch-read/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/first-law.jpgfirst lawWhen George R.R. Martin says it's good, brother, you'd best listen!2014-09-22T15:20:02+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2014/08/18/tee-totalling/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/hypercolor.jpghypercolorShow me on the shirt where he touched you...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/hard-rock.jpghard rockThe SkyDome logo had a snappy, ultra-modern redesign. This was it. No, really.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/johnson.jpgjohnsonSubtlety. A lost art.2014-09-20T23:09:37+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2014/08/05/what-folly/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/rhys-hat.jpgrhys hatUpon returning to Indiana, my five-year-old claimed the hat for his own.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/me-with-walden.jpgme with waldenEveryone, this is Walden. Walden, everyone.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/surf-douche-kroeger.jpgsurf douche kroegerI swear before all that is holy, I Googled "surf douche" and this was the second image to appear.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/folly-rocks.jpgfolly rocksOkay, so this might be a bit of an exaggeration.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/2873097-cloverfield_monster.jpg2873097-cloverfield_monster2014-08-07T00:28:59+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2014/07/14/john-legend-proves-there-is-no-god/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/gretchen-and-chapstick2.jpggretchen-and-chapstick2Thank you, internet. Thank you.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/sturridge-suarez.jpgsturridge suarez[INSERT "BITE TO EAT AFTER THE MATCH" JOKE HERE]https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/dtcan_flashingbluelight.gifdtcan_flashingbluelightSorry about the epilepsy, BTW...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/john_legend-wallpaper-300x168.jpgJohn_Legend-wallpaper-300x168Behold...Death, the Destroyer of Worlds.2014-07-15T20:58:09+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2014/06/03/i-didnt-choose-the-pug-life/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/chubbs.jpgchubbsTaken shortly after eating a one-pound bag of Iams cat food, I shit you not.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/gene.jpggeneSay "what" again!2014-06-04T18:38:05+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2014/05/21/radio-radio/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/tnt-show.jpgtnt show2014-05-23T18:16:15+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2014/05/05/a-little-walking-around-music/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/menardsep-2.jpgMenardsEP-2Seriously, though: tell me there ain't a T-Rex through those doors.2014-05-05T18:55:08+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2014/04/24/for-my-next-trick/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/turnstage.jpgturnstage2014-04-28T00:35:55+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2014/04/03/hollywood-scuttlebeat/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/sam.jpgsam"This is how I imagine Mr. Arnold looks now. See, he ain't got time for yo' sh*t." - Sam Jacksonhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/ryan-goofy.jpgryan goofyhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/lorde.jpglorde2014-04-03T15:46:52+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2014/03/18/tuesday-tips/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/hawkeye-naked.pnghawkeye nakedHead. Giggle. Snort.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/retro-hawkeye.jpgretro hawkeyeNavy and purple are usually such a great combination. Don't know what went wrong here...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/hawkguy.jpgHawkguyGuest-starring John Goodmanhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/porristas_pumas6.jpgporristas_pumas6Regal.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/chicas_de_pumas.jpgchicas_de_pumasRegal. Yes. Regal as a motherfucker.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/irishexaminer__span.jpgIrishExaminer__spanUmmm...I don't know how to tell you this, Ireland, but other than potatoes, well...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/american-mutt.jpgamerican mutt'MURICAN MUTT!! (Get it? It's not too subtle? Okay.)2014-03-18T19:40:45+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2014/03/11/one-last-job/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/a_mean_old_man__94453.pnga_mean_old_man__944532014-03-12T12:14:53+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2014/02/05/21-hours-in-vegas/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/20140203_195049.jpg20140203_195049LAST PLANE RIDE! Five plane rides in about 30 hours. I don't know how guys that travel for a living handle it.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/1391350907390.jpg1391350907390The train between concourses in ATL. I already have a bad feeling about this leg of the trip...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/20140203_071419.jpg20140203_071419Smeared glass aside, this is a helluva way to wake up.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/20140202_161509.jpg20140202_161509NO TIME! WE HAVE DRINKING TO DO!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/20140202_173151.jpg20140202_173151Nick's wife texted me: "Is he eating?" I sent her this.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/20140202_132348.jpg20140202_132348While not "on the strip," we were certainly close enough. Great room, decent view.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/20140202_081524.jpg20140202_081524That's a pretty big "F."https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/20140202_155149.jpg20140202_155149You know what you DON'T see here? Snow. More victory. Ahhhh...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/20140202_145256.jpg20140202_145256Pictured: victory, at long last.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/20140202_111636.jpg20140202_111636Sure, the omelet was nuked...but the fruit was excellent, and GIN!!2014-09-22T14:25:34+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2014/01/28/q-a-part-two/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/corey.jpgcoreyOf course, sometimes your life demands that you hang with Corey Taylor.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/ambush_bug_012.jpgAmbush_Bug_012Ambush Bug: the ORIGINAL Deadpool.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/back-in-the-day-movie-237x300.jpgBack-in-the-day-movie-237x300Rather than post a picture of my "hog" I decided to remind you that 'Back in the Day' is available right now on iTunes. Ahem.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/mirror.jpgmirrorThis is actually still available for your NOOK reader!!2014-01-28T21:30:24+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2014/01/22/q-a-part-one/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/12921479-elderly-man-holding-a-beer-belly-and-sausage-on-white-background.jpg12921479-elderly-man-holding-a-beer-belly-and-sausage-on-white-backgroundYes, this stock photo exists.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/ric-flair-and-stone-cold.jpgRic-Flair-And-Stone-ColdOne of these guys dresses with class. The other might be Goldberg. I can never tell.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/buck_rogers_sg_1.pngbuck_rogers_sg_1My brother and I called this level "Holiday Road" and would sing the Lindsey Buckingham song from "Vacation" as we played. True story.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/fat-val.jpgfat valNegative, ghostrider. The pattern is full...of donuts.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/god-footprint.jpggod footprint"I saw two pairs of footprints, and said HOLY SHIT, GOD!! DON'T STEP ON ME!!"2014-01-22T18:39:18+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2014/01/15/how-not-to-radio/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/shia.jpgshiaThe most obvious recent example.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/dick.jpgdickOkay, this person gets a pass.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/famousradio39.jpgfamousradio39I take back everything I wrote in the previous paragraph, apparently.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/cancun_springbreak_police.jpgcancun_springbreak_policePictured: Greenville, NC. Or Cancun. Dammit, Google...2014-01-29T14:45:23+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2014/01/07/criswell-predicts/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/too-tan-2.jpgtoo-tan-2Pictured: The HEALTHIEST WOMAN ALIVE!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/george-clooney-pursehand.jpggeorge-clooney-pursehandPictured: proof of nothing.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/pegged_jeans_80s.jpgpegged_jeans_80sSadly, this is a pretty likely outcome.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/gas.jpggasWorst. Memorial Day. Ever.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/criswell-predicts-31.jpgcriswell-predicts-3[1]2014-01-08T12:45:32+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/10/21/things-you-might-not-know/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/air-mater2.jpgAir-Mater#2Still a better movie than "Planes."https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/frankblack.jpgFrankBlackLook at this fucking ROCK STAR.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/ewingstreetparkview.jpgEwingStreetParkviewAs you can see from this handy image, Ewing street now has a stop sign. Progress, people.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/mexican-cat-drinking-tequila-600x450-e1329934054533.jpgmexican-cat-drinking-tequila-600x450-e1329934054533See? It's a cat. In a hat. (No, eff YOU!!)https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/keelhaul.jpegkeelhaulWHEEEEEEEE!!!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/celeb-evolution.jpgceleb evolutionI think it goes something like this, but hell, I'm a 43-year-old man. What do I know about your goddam gigapets?!2013-10-21T16:35:15+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/10/10/video-breakdown-material-issue-valerie-loves-me/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/dweebs.jpgdweebsWe are totally going to be in that new 4 Non Blondes video, girl!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/aryan.jpgaryan"Ich liebe Valerie! Und so spielen sie auf dem Schlagzeug!"https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/douche-tie.jpgdouche tieBeard? Check. Tie? Check. Shades? Check. Conclusion: 100% douche.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/douche-shades.jpgdouche shades[INSERT CSI: MIAMI 'YEAAAAAHHHH!!!! HERE]https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/ocasek.jpgocasekWho's gonna drive you home NOW, bitch?https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/sheedy.jpgsheedySeriously...is this even the same girl?!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/freddie.jpgfreddieD'awwwww...they grow up so fast! (And unattractive!)https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/347px-mariabrink_6.jpg347px-Maria+Brink_62017-11-03T17:04:33+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/09/25/mildly-annoying/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/jigpen.jpgjigpenLET'S PLAY A GAME...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/slide_1398_20093_large.jpgslide_1398_20093_largeI'm sure he meant that in...uh...in a nice way. https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/debphonesdex4.jpgDebPhonesDex4"What do you MEAN our series finale sucked? Whelp, gotta go! Bye!"https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/toilet-paper.jpgtoilet-paperIt's like he's mocking you. Wipe that smug look off his face. With your ass!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/spider-bat.jpgspider-batAt least Bats can always use Bruce Wayne's steely jawline as a hyphen in a pinch.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/old-batman-logo.jpgold-batman-logoBats has the benefit of a steely jawline to act as his hyphen in a pinch.2023-07-01T05:13:09+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/09/10/you-need-a-montage/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/220px-better_off_dead.jpg220px-Better_Off_Dead2013-09-10T23:27:01+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/09/06/star-wars-getsyou-pregnant/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/deathstar_exploding.jpegdeathstar_explodingGAH!! GODDAM NUVARING FAILED!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/porkins.pngporkinsEven worse? They came from behind.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/star-wars-x-wing-fighter.jpgStar-Wars-X-Wing-FighterThis is LITERALLY just the tip.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/nose.jpgnoseAt attention and ready to deploy!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/xandy.jpgxandyCOMIN' AT YA!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/xy.jpgxyCOMIN' AT YA!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/deathstar_plans.pngDeathStar_plansAnd here, gentlemen, is what we call "the clitoris." 2013-11-23T04:04:24+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/08/27/celbri-doodle-dandy/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/channing-tatum.jpgchanning-tatumYour friendly neighborhood...um...JUST GET IN ME, C-TATES!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/andrew-dice-clay.jpgADC answers questions at the press meeting for Reservoir Dogs 2https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/mindy-cohn.jpgMindy-CohnThis is what Renée Zellweger will look like in five more years.2013-08-27T18:49:27+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/08/26/stuff-i-used-to-do/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/double-amputee-iraqi-vet-james-hackemer-killed-in-roller-coaster-accident-at-darien-lake.jpegdouble-amputee-iraqi-vet-james-hackemer-killed-in-roller-coaster-accident-at-darien-lakePossibly the biggest buzzkill in the history of this blog. Damn.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/pointing-and-laughing.jpgPointing and LaughingBWAHAHAHAA!!! DUDE ALMOST DIED!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/drive-angry.jpgdrive angryThe amazing Nic Cage film "Drive Angry" was inspired on events from my childhood or something.2013-08-27T17:03:25+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/08/22/the-two-year-old-incrediblog/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/bond-yolo.jpgbond yoloWizshdom.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/yolo-shep.jpgyolo shepSPOILER!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/sad-computer-lady.jpgsad computer ladyPictured: You, as I post another "search terms" blog.2013-08-23T14:42:30+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/07/17/state-of-the-blog-blog/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/blogeventhorizon_2_400.jpgblogEventHorizon_2_400"And then...and then...HOO, BOY! Okay. And then she says 'I'll keep an EYE out for you!' BWAAAAHAHAHAHA!!!" https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/senior-bulge-322617.jpgSenior-Bulge-322617You can see granpa's...oh. OH! Dang it, grandpappy's been on blackonblondes.com again.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/laytest-search-terms.jpglay=test search termsAlways a hit, the search engine terms. Creatively bankrupt? Got some writer's block? Check out the search engine terms. Money in the bank, folks.2013-07-17T17:55:21+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/06/20/quick-photo-aw-yeah/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/wpid-wp-1371730686933.jpgwpid-wp-1371730686933.jpg2013-06-25T16:22:14+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/06/18/fun-facts-and-helpful-tips/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/waylon-jennings.jpgWaylon-JenningsI call this'un "Fuck you, wheelchair-boy!"https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/mio_water.jpgmio_waterAlso? If your pee looks like this, see a doctor immediately.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/basterds.jpgbasterdsNow you're wondering which one is Ferris and which one is Cameron. https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/ferris-cameron.jpgferris-cameronWe should have shotguns for this kind of deal.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/snacks-crackers-lance.jpgsnacks-crackers-lanceTechnically, the ones on the left should be Snook-Chee.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/hanoi-snacks.jpghanoi snacksI guess consistent capitalization was too much to hope for.2013-06-25T01:17:19+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/06/04/the-blog-of-castamere/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/red-wedding-tweets.jpgred wedding tweets2013-06-19T03:17:07+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/05/28/reboot-this-part-two-sequels/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/grig.jpggrigYes, it's true. Under that state-of-the-art makeup is the head bad-guy from Robocop.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/nolte.jpgnolteWelcome to...Jurassic Park!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/keanubabydaddy.jpgkeanubabydaddyIn fairness, it was almost impossible to find an unflattering pic of Keanu.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/val-kilmer-macgruber-premiere.jpgval-kilmer-macgruber-premiereNo, look again. It's NOT Axl Rose.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/slater.jpgslaterNow he looks like Costner's little brother, which OH MY GOD!! ROBIN HOOD WAS RIGHT!!2013-05-30T16:53:26+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/05/15/reboot-this-part-one-remakes/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/megaforce-1-video-game.jpgMegaforce-1-Video-GameSee? SUCK IT, CALL OF DUTY!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/m1a1-bagdad-runningover-02.jpgM1A1-Bagdad-RunningOver-02See? You can't even see Mel Gibson's racism and anti-semitism!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/tank-cosplay.jpgtank cosplaySee? Just hire some cosplay geeks and LET'S SHOOT THIS FUCKER!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/kid-rock23.jpgkid-rock23See? They're already BROS!!2013-05-15T18:55:44+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/05/03/string-theory-gun-control-and-how-it-all-really-doesnt-matter/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/mv5bmzyzntu1mjeznf5bml5banbnxkftztywmtq0otu5-_v1_sy317_cr30214317_.jpgMV5BMzYzNTU1MjEzNF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwMTQ0OTU5._V1_SY317_CR3,0,214,317_This. This I know.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/blood-in-the-water.jpgblood-in-the-waterUh-oh! Gotta go potty!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/facebook-like-button.jpgFacebook-Like-ButtonThis is actually Joe's profile picture.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/crispy_bacon_1.jpgcrispy_bacon_1Who the hell would ever even try to market "chewy bacon?" Makes no goddam sense.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/by-tor.jpgby-torI swear to God, this is one of the top-8 images for "By-Tor" on Google. https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/luke-cup.jpgluke cupHe looks so cute when he's all victorious and stuff.2013-05-04T16:05:51+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/04/25/the-ex-box/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/fedex.jpgFedExhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/service1.jpgservice1https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/service.jpgservice2013-09-06T15:53:44+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/04/11/celebri-daze/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/120725_galifinakis_605_ap.jpg120725_galifinakis_605_apPerhaps now it'll be 'Between Two Dramatic Turns!'https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/kiedis.jpgkiedisModern-day D'Artagnan Kiedis answers questions at the "N4pole0n" press conferencehttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/560-spears-crow-jc.jpeg560.spears.crow.jcPowder blue is the new tangerine!2013-04-12T04:24:42+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/03/15/the-search-continues/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/search-terms-0315.jpgsearch terms 0315Miss Scotland knows how to party. As if that was ever in doubt.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/search-terms-0314.jpgsearch terms 0314I'll take "things that will blow my fucking mind" for $200, Alex.2013-03-15T14:47:58+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/03/14/celebri-tastic/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/sdcc-2012-whedon-and-sam.jpgsdcc-2012-whedon-and-samWhedon's mystery man just may be his silent partner...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/nicki-minaj-underwear-4.jpgNicki Minaj in New YorkMinaj signs a few autographs before being whisked away by the LAPD.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/19-hugh-jackman-dustin-hoffman-wenn-hrc__big.jpg19-hugh-jackman-dustin-hoffman-wenn-hrc__bigThe superstars took time out from filming recently to catch a Nicks game!2013-04-11T13:47:04+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/03/05/video-breakdown-belly-slow-dog/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/mouth.jpgmouthYes, that very one.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/shame.jpgshameWHY, GOD? WHY? WHY DID I LEAVE MY WATCH ON WHILE SUNBATHING?!?!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/cable.jpgcableMy efforts to bring your attention to the guitar cable have undermined my efforts to bring your attention to the guitar cable. Damn it.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/eddie.jpgeddieYes, this actually happened. No, it was not supposed to be funny.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/edge.jpgedgeYou guys, this is going to make "Lemon" look like a sick joke!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/surferboy.jpgsurferboyOMG, you guys...life is so hard...Hollister isn't open for, like...thirty minutes! I'm totes bummed!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/tanyad306.jpgtanyad306Poor, unfortunate, ugly 90's chick. https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/frank-black.jpgfrank black"Hey, Pinfield! LIKE OUR FUCKIN' VIDEO?"2013-03-06T18:08:46+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/02/28/clutter/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/thunder_in_paradise.jpgthunder_in_paradise"Terry?" Really? Also: there are three discs in this box. Three. how...how did this come to pass?!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/kurt.jpgkurthttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/bruce.jpgbruceLadies and gentlemen, the Hero of Canton!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/ss-surf.jpgss surfGott in himmel!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/surf-doll.jpgsurf dollD'awww! Some Indonesian kid made his own Mushroomhead band member!2013-02-28T18:44:09+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/02/15/discotron-and-on-mon/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/discsoftron.jpgdiscsoftronI seriously doubt my big ass would even fit in there.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/wrath-of-khan-46.jpgwrath of khan 46https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/don-juan-demarco.jpgdon-juan-demarcohttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/heymon.jpgheymonhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/ron-jon-41.jpegron-jon-41https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/gravitron.jpggravitronOr you sack up and make gravity your bitch.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/myron.jpgmyronKILL IT! KILL IT WITH...ah, never mind.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/250px-birdzerk.jpg250px-BirdZerk!KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/berzerk5200screen.jpgberzerk5200ScreenOne of the few home-console versions that looked pretty much like the coin-op. It's all we had, people.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/vinyl-1.jpgvinyl.1I'm guessing it looks like this. Just spitballing here, but with a name like "Discotron" it has to be pretty close.2013-02-16T14:19:59+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/02/07/beatin-them-wintertime-blues/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/tan-spongebob-squarepants-14640310-470-317.jpgTan-spongebob-squarepants-14640310-470-317But aren't seals already sort of, um...brown?https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/yankee-candle-coupon-summer-july-2011.jpgYankee-Candle-Coupon-Summer-July-2011Like actual summertime, many Yankee Candles apparently smell like booze. Awesome!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/casual-marijuana-smoking_1.jpgcasual-marijuana-smoking_1Of course, listening to Marley or Sublime sometimes makes me want to, uh...what were we talking about?https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/michaelwestonwindow.jpgmichaelwestonwindowHi, ladies! Want some yogurt?https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/sweetbabyboat.jpgsweetbabyboatMy Sweet Baby. On a boat. In the Caribbean. I feel better now.2013-02-08T12:42:20+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/02/05/sharks/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/countdown.jpgcountdownhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/tumblr_m905xk6orb1qb6qz2.jpgtumblr_m905xk6oRb1qb6qz2NOTE: I do not in any way condone homophobia or discrimination. I support gay marriage. I love gay people. But this shit is funny.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/sharkjesus.jpgSharkJesusWell, I , um...it seems I must stand corrected.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/th_steveirwinstingray.gifth_SteveIrwinStingray(Artist's rendition.)https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/quint.jpgquintBa-da-bap-bap-BAAA!!! I'm lovin' it!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/tooth-emblem.jpgtooth emblemHoly crap...how come I never noticed thisprior to writing this damned blog?!?! IT'S THE THINGS I LOVE!!2013-02-06T23:43:52+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/01/24/rhyme-time/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/text5.jpgtext5So you know, her kids are my kids, too. Just wanted to clarify that.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/text4.jpgtext4"HA!" INDEED!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/text3.jpgtext3Too far? TOO FAR?!?! THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS "TOO FAR!"https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/text2.jpgtext2There it is. She dropped the "gay" bomb. It was so on...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/text1.jpgtext1So it begins...2013-01-29T14:21:43+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2013/01/07/that-one-guy-the-tarantino-edition/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/michael-20parks1.jpgmichael-20parkshttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/bowen.gifbowenhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/michael-20parks.jpgmichael-20parkshttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/996dtd_tom_savini_001.jpg996DTD_Tom_Savini_0012022-10-31T03:01:15+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/12/13/show-prep/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/reddit_logo.jpgreddit_logohttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/iheartchaos.pngiheartchaoshttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/thechive.jpgthechivehttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/corillamask.jpggorillamaskhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/cracked.jpgcracked2012-12-15T03:06:38+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/12/10/point-break-breakdown/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/crday2_midget.jpgcrday2_midgetGet Dinklage on set NOW!!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/folly-beach-sunroof-surfboard.jpgFolly Beach - sunroof surfboardSunroof. If only Johnny had a sunroof...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/police-use-a-battering-ram-in-operation-kansas-to-hammer-down-a-suspect-s-door-698989679.jpgpolice-use-a-battering-ram-in-operation-kansas-to-hammer-down-a-suspect-s-door-698989679"We know you're in there, Watson! We can hear you doing weird hair stuff!"https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/424900-tn-500_petty_wm622147818_super.jpg424900-tn-500_petty_wm622147818_superOh, yeah. She's starring in "The Rachel Maddow Story."https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/mustangs.jpgmustangsSee? Goalies are CRAY-ZAY!!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/images.jpgimagesThis guy wants to be Flea. He is not. Also, his hat is a shirt. Radical.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/buseycar.jpgbuseycarLOL! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/spike-tv1.jpgspike-tv1Real subtle, Spike. Really. Also? Maybe just change the name to "PENIS TEEVEE!"https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/wife-rolling-pin.jpgwife-rolling-pinYet another stereotype! I'm rollin'! (Like a rolling pin. Get it?)2012-12-10T23:45:10+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/12/03/presto-chango/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/hawksboy.jpghawksboyIronically, I'm still using Murray's for this haircut.2012-12-04T13:33:55+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/11/29/entirely-possible/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/mancow.jpgmancowI should've just titled this blog "Mancow is a douchey doucheface douchebag of douche that wears sunglasses inside. Douche."https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/eazy-e32.jpgEazy-E32Eazy-E, however, was created when the universe decided to un-fuck itself in the most righteous manner possible.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/douche-cat.jpgdouche catYou KNOW that Grumpy Cat is behind this.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/douchefag.jpgdouchefagSomeone actually made this. Also? Someone really doesn't like Dan.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/nicolas-cage-is-a-vampire.jpgnicolas-cage-is-a-vampireHe was much less confused back in the 1800's.2022-08-17T04:26:07+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/11/21/everythings-cool/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/dubstep.jpgDubstepThis image speaks for itself.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/shoe_gypsy_plain.jpgshoe_Gypsy_plainSigh. It's not a chihuahua skirt, goddammit!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/bangs.jpgbangsJust...so much...HAIR...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/clampett.jpgclampettWell, I reckon it ain't lupus! Can't rightly figure what in tarnation it is, though.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/hawkingbook.jpghawkingbookOr hell, combine the two! Save time!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/stevejobs.jpgstevejobsExcept, you know, Steve Jobs.2012-11-23T00:13:04+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/11/15/mean-old-ladies-etc/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/creepy-crib.jpgcreepy cribWow...I found an image of a crib that is actually scarier than the Mean Old Lady. Thanks, internet!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/shine.jpgshineThe shiny, perfect hair of Jan Hella.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/gypsylady1.jpggypsyladyLike this, only less "smiley."https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/wowo.jpgwowoAwwwwwww, shit! Look at these booty-slammin' crunk-ass mothafuckas right here!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/gypsylady.jpggypsyladyLike this, only not as "smiley."2012-11-27T20:04:13+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/11/09/so-that-happened/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/ray.jpgrayhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/schultz.jpgschultzhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/twitter7.jpgtwitter7https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/twitter6.jpgtwitter6https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/twitter5.jpgtwitter5https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/twitter4.jpgtwitter4https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/twitter3.jpgtwitter3https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/twitter2.jpgtwitter2https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/twitter1.jpgtwitter12012-11-11T00:22:34+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/11/02/living-in-the-future/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/future-kid.jpgfuture kidI'd like to say that I photoshopped this. I'd like to, but I can't. Because this shit is real. https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/meknight.jpgmeknightBecause perfectly sane men spend months twisting and cutting metal links for a costume they'll wear once.2012-12-13T22:58:07+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/10/25/music-television-or-as-we-call-it-now-youtube/2012-10-25T16:24:41+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/10/19/tee-veeee/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/il_570xn-256764225.jpgil_570xN.256764225Play with me, mommy...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/hershels_farm.jpgThe Walking Dead - Photo Credit: Matthew Welch/AMC - TWD2_KEY_Plates_0375Carl will never not be in there again.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/tumblr_m7j45mausc1raq2v9o1_500.jpgtumblr_m7j45mAusC1raq2v9o1_500Goddam Apple maps...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/nun-costume-83618.jpgnun-costume-83618BTW, this is the SAFEST picture I found after Googling "sexy nun."https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/154249700_blog_main_horizontal.jpg154249700_blog_main_horizontalThis was seriously about 80% of the debate.2012-10-25T14:02:36+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/10/02/zombies-martians-same-thing/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/200px-robopocalypse_book_cover.jpg200px-Robopocalypse_Book_Cover(Seriously, though. Read this book.)https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/cod-zombies.jpgcod-zombiesSeriously, guys? Did you just re-skin an old Terminator game? Because that's totally what it looks like.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/undead.jpgundeadFull disclosure: I just couldn't go an entire blog without some sort of Star Trek reference.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/residentevil.jpgresidentevilAdmit it, you shit your pants the first time this happened.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/evilet-213x300.jpgEvilET-213x300Not cool, internet. NOT. COOL.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/9-most-weird-japanese-art-must-see-1-f.jpg9-most-weird-japanese-art-must-see-1-fJapan has managed to even the score, however, with a metric shit-ton of unsettling weird shit.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/marvin_the_martian_2.pngMarvin_the_Martian_2Pictured: the face of national paranoia as experienced during the House Un-American Activities Comittee campaign.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/family.jpgfamilyYou know who's NOT in the house? Fucking Carl, that's who.2012-10-03T16:49:20+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/09/27/upon-further-review-big-bang-theory-one-year-later/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/me2.jpgmePictured: My biggest fan.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/me1.jpgmehttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/me.jpgmehttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/smith_tarantino.jpgSmith_TarantinoSometimes the interwebs align themselves perfectly for the purposes of this blog.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/timetravelfactor.pngtimetravelfactorOr you could do it THIS way, I suppose...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/sheldonpreview.jpgSheldonPreviewSee? The fanboys are already on this shit!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/0816-adrianne-curry-star-wars-00-480x639.jpg0816-adrianne-curry-star-wars-00-480x639Back when Stan the Man was...he, uh...what were we talking about?https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/copout.jpgcopoutPictured: NOT a perfect fit.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/mallrats.jpgmallratsBack when Stan the Man made cameos in non-Marvel projects.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/joss.jpgjossZOMG!!! Joss's Shadow!! That means he's totally putting THE VISION IN AVENGERS 2!!!2013-01-07T18:09:31+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/09/19/your-brain-on-science/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/8ball.jpg8ballPictured: NOT my wife.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/terminator.jpgterminatorAlthough they sure know how to fuck it up.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/sugarless-gum.jpgSugarless-gumSee, kids, gum gets SOFT when you put in in your mouth, unlike...um...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/old-lady.jpgOld-LadyI'm going to END YOU, Watson!!!2012-09-20T00:32:59+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/09/13/incredibly-distracting/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/leaderboard.jpgleaderboardAin't gonna stay this way for long.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/logo_v2.jpglogo_v22012-09-13T21:28:10+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/08/31/things-i-learned-at-work-this-week/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/stupid.jpgstupidNo, really.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/100421_unlimited_cell_calls1.jpg100421_unlimited_cell_calls"Eligible for upgrade? The fuck is wrong with THIS phone?!?"https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/100421_unlimited_cell_calls.jpg100421_unlimited_cell_callshttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/ms-pacman-435x326.jpgms-pacman-435x326THANKS A LOT, OBAMA!!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/kirkkirk.jpgkirkkirkI take it all back. They're both Captain Kirk. Fine.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/natural-born-saleman-300x199.jpgNatural-born-saleman-300x199We'll throw in a free remote! Also, I just shit my pants!!2012-09-01T14:36:01+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/08/23/i-want-answers/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/woodchuck_amber_cider.gifWoodchuck_Amber_CiderEven better? How much Woodchuck could a woodchuck CHUG?!?https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/hotdoc.jpghotdocPictured: NOT a real doctor.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/wecbat.jpgwecbatMY PARENTS ARE DEAD!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/riker_jungle_holodeck_2364.jpgRiker_Jungle_Holodeck_2364I AM WILLIAM RIKER, AND I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/food_synthesizer.jpgFood_synthesizerScotty accidentally typed NON-Scottish food, and, well...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/sweet-baby.jpgsweet babyhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/katniss-and-rue-2-the-hunger-games.jpgKatniss-and-Rue-2-The-Hunger-GamesFor example, one of these two doesn't make it. I TOLD YOU!! SPOILERS!!2012-08-25T16:00:10+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/08/14/fact-up-beyond-all-recognition/2012-08-24T02:51:13+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/08/09/notions/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/dick.jpgdickYES!! They TOTALLY bought it!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/sweet6.jpgsweet6Gather 'round, children, and I'll tell you the tale of the early-90's. When Matthew Sweet was a rock star, and not...well...whatever he is now.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/flasher.jpgflasher"Soooo, nothing? Nothing at all? Damn."2012-08-11T13:40:35+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/08/02/that-one-gal-swingers-edition/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/annie-blackburn.jpgannie-blackburnWho cares about Laura Palmer? We've got Annie Blackburn!!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/lipbite.jpglipbiteGrrrrrr...daddy like!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/shower1.jpgshowerEverone remembers this scene. EVERYONE.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/cigargirl1.jpgcigargirlOh. Wait...that's the SAME PERSON?!?https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/blake1.jpgblakeOh, yeah! Sure! (Actually, no. WHO?!?)https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/shower.jpgshowerEVERYONE remembers this scene. Everyone.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/cigargirl.jpgcigargirlOh...wow. really? That's the same chick?https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/blake.jpgblakeUmmm...no. You mean the movie "Swingers," right?https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/replacements.jpgreplacementsHoly hell...GET HER SOME MORE OLIVES!!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/mikenikki.jpgmikenikkiGirl LOVED her some olives!2012-08-06T00:36:36+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/07/30/what-exactly-do-you-want-anyway/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/218424631.jpg21842463Okay, maybe I'm getting a little carried away... https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/21842463.jpg21842463Okay, maybe I'm getting carried away.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/big_bang_theorists_for_obama_button-p145493453800341373en872_210.jpgbig_bang_theorists_for_obama_button-p145493453800341373en872_210This is actually getting kinda fun.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/2433446877_ac2319fd3f_o.jpg2433446877_ac2319fd3f_oOh, hey! Wouldja look at that!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/neo-nazi-35305.jpgNeo-nazi-35305Raise your hand if you want four more years of Obama! D'OH!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/dazzler.jpgdazzlerI have totally just confused the rockabilly set.2012-07-31T14:27:45+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/07/19/mr-watson/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/kid.jpgkid"No, dad. I said FUCK SOCKS!! Go ahead and kick me out. YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT, MAN!"https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/preschool.jpgpreschoolPictured: Miss Kim gets tired of dicking around and does this shit herself.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/eddie1.jpgeddie1Yo, Ward! You gonna pass that dutch?2012-07-24T12:38:44+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/07/17/ooo-that-smell/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/murrays.jpgmurraysladies and gentlemen, something most of us will never see: the bottom of a tin of Murray's. It's...it's beautiful...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/gloves.jpgglovesThese, however, smell HORRIBLE.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/sexwax.jpgsexwaxSeriously, these stickers and that 'Oakley Thermonuclear Protection' shit...everywhere. Man, the 80's kinda sucked.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/hippiepunk.jpghippiepunkI seriously had to scour Google images to find a stock photo of a hippie and a punk together. Now to crop out the confused sick boy...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/sexyoffice.jpgsexyofficeUnless they look like this. I mean, c'mon...it's just horrible, eye-burning, nostril-scorching perfume, right?2012-07-19T18:29:04+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/07/06/quickly-quickly/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/enhanced-buzz-25203-1289337273-221.jpgenhanced-buzz-25203-1289337273-22Wait, no! I meant AVERT your eyes! Avert! Man, I'm so sorry, guys.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/enhanced-buzz-25203-1289337273-22.jpgenhanced-buzz-25203-1289337273-22No! What did I say? I meant AVERT your eyes! Avert! Man, I'm sorry, guys.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/hulk-smash-loki.jpgHulk-Smash-Loki" I will not be bullied by some dissatisfied fanbo--GAAAHHHH!!!!"https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/art3.jpgart3Technically, it's "Free Captain Watson with purchase of regular drink" but it's a nice gesture.2012-07-16T19:43:30+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/06/17/fathers-day-south-haven-mi/2012-06-18T17:46:36+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/06/12/a-conversation-with-ed/2012-06-22T20:28:31+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/06/08/a-few-of-my-favorite-memes/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/60sspidey.jpg60sspideySeems legit.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/courageinsanity.jpgcourageinsanitySee, Insanity Wolf always goes juuuust a bit too far...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/fry.jpgfryNot sure if X or just Y. Instant comedy!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/raptor.jpgraptorAlso, "If atheism is a religion, then is 'bald' a hair color?"https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/cake.jpgcakeHappy birthday, kid. You're internet famous for .18 seconds.2012-06-11T22:20:40+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/06/01/thejoeschultz/2012-06-01T21:27:45+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/05/24/your-kidding/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/beetlejuice.jpgbeetlejuiceNo, no! The OTHER Beetlejuice!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/grammar-nazi2.jpggrammar-nazi2Seriously, nobody cares.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/gram.jpggramCan we call them something else, please? My grandad killed real Nazis. The guy that corrects your apostrophe placement seems a bit less scary than Hitler. That's all I'm sayin'.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/grammartimehs1.jpggrammartimehs1Please, Grammar...don't hurt 'em.2014-07-08T21:11:38+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/05/17/dig-it/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/shark.jpgsharkNever. Gets. Old.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/confidential.jpgconfidentialKim Basinger's cleavage in no way influenced my decision.2012-05-18T19:46:29+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/05/10/rock-girl-iii-the-revenge/2012-05-10T21:18:37+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/05/07/everlasting-blog-whopper/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/merryxmas_crosby6061.jpgmerryxmas_crosby606My three-year-old thinks Bing looks like me. Probably because I drink too much and hit him. KIDDING! It's the hat.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/merryxmas_crosby606.jpgmerryxmas_crosby606My three-year-old saw this and said "Dad! It's you!" Tears of joy and pride rolled down my cheeks.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/type-iii.jpg100805-N-9818V-205"We'll wear these green ones in the swamps, people. We want to DISAPPEAR."https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/0224-hulk-rather.jpg0224-hulk-ratherNumber One is the winner, but #4 is a close second.2012-05-08T05:36:08+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/04/29/title-optional/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/170.jpg1702012-05-03T18:33:40+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/04/24/kindness-ninjas/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/kassi.jpgkassiMaybe TOO goddam cute...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/raphael-sneezing2.jpgraphael sneezing2However, if THIS happens, I'm calling you an ambulance. https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/kindness.jpgkindnessGet it? There's a Gorilla...and it's Guerrilla Kindness, so...aw, fuck it.2016-02-29T03:13:16+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/04/18/super-hawt-part-three/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/maryjane.jpgmaryjaneThere really are no words...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/mary-jane_super.jpgmary-jane_superMy Spider-sense tells me there a Chai Latte nearby...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/first_appears.jpgfirst_appearsWow...Lindsay Lohan used to be HOT!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/kissin_cousins1.jpgkissin_cousins1Hey, it was good enough for the King...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/catwomanivy.jpgcatwomanivyNow KISS!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/powergirl.jpgpowergirlLook at 'em! LOOK AT 'EM!! And keep in mind this was how they drew her 30-plus years ago!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/queenjenna.jpgqueenjennaThe left is a comic panel from 1980. The right is my spank bank, circa 2002. Uncanny, no?2012-04-19T12:43:06+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/04/16/super-hawt-part-two/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/rogue-3.gifRogue-3She can steal your entire identity though skin contact. Totally worth it, really.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/tumblr_lu0lqrkcjg1r54mwao1_500.pngtumblr_lu0lqrKCjg1r54mwao1_500https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/spiderman_and_gwen_stacy_by_godfather35.jpgSpiderman_and_Gwen_Stacy_by_godfather35Remember, skinny geeks: this could totally happen to YOU!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/starfire_titans_02.jpgStarfire_Titans_02And let's be clear: this is from an ACTUAL comic, not fanboy art. I would STILL spank to this. And by "would" I mean "just did." https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/savageshe-hulk20302.jpgSavageShe-Hulk20302If only she'd prosecuted OJ...2012-04-18T12:41:04+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/04/10/super-hawt-part-one/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/she-hulk.jpgshe-hulkLadies and gentlemen...John Byrne's She-Hulk. The defense rests.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/scrambled-porn.jpgscrambled-pornWait for it...wait for it...GAH!! FOILED AGAIN!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/rfantasticfour_silver.jpgrfantasticfour_silverAnyone else thinks he should be asking about the whereabouts of John Connor? Also, maybe he should put on some pants?2012-04-12T13:26:35+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/03/30/well-start-the-war-from-right-here/2012-04-24T12:54:05+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/03/27/i-pranked-him-to-death/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/bloody-mary.jpgbloody-marySubtlety? Look elsewhere.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/2usgordonspl_468x347.jpg2USGordonSPL_468x347Unless this guy is the kitchen manager. Then run. Run your ASS off.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/child-goes-missing-party-and-get-tattoos.jpgchild-goes-missing-party-and-get-tattoosThen again, promotional opportunities GALORE!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/cheesecage.jpgcheesecagePlease, good sir...throw us a crust...a chicken wing...ANYTHING!! It's been...it's been WEEKS!!2012-03-29T14:15:23+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/03/19/i-need-stats-stat/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/lauri.jpglauriI think Ima hafta do another "page visit" if you know what I mean.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/searchterms1.jpgsearchtermsIt's nice to see that people have accepted that BBT isn't funny and are now more concerned with WHY it isn't funny.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/worldstats.jpgworldstatsHey, Greenland...what am I, chopped herring?!?https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/searchterms.jpgsearchterms2012-04-10T12:40:55+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/03/08/likedislike/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/whatchamacallit.jpgWhatchamacallitDon't care whatchamacallit, as long as you don't call it "peanut butter" or "edible." Thanks.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/shark.jpgsharkDoes it make a lick of sense? No. Do I love it more than life itself? Yes.2012-04-10T12:40:36+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/02/28/wayback-interview-charles-holland-duell/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/germangasprot1.jpggermangasprotVE ARE NICHT ZE KLAN! ALZO, ZIS IS NICHT EIN SUPERSOAKER!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/germangasprot.jpggermangasprotVE ARE TOTALLY NOT ZE KLAN! ALZO, THIS IS NICHT EIN SUPERSOAKER!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/the-steam-engine.jpgThe-Steam-EngineSeriously, it's like a bunch of Dwarves got together to find a way to totally fuck the environment.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/170px-charles_h__duell.jpg170px-Charles_H__Duell"Also? This telphone nonsense is complete bullshit." - C. H. Duell2012-02-28T16:23:19+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/02/17/just-the-facts/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/scarjoturner.jpgscarjoturnerYou're welcome, ladies. And fellas. Enjoy your breakfast!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/simple-halloween-dried-scab-cranberries.jpgsimple-halloween-dried-scab-cranberriesYep. Enjoy your breakfast!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/kitties.jpgkittiesLadies reading this post just fell in love.2012-02-21T11:49:41+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/02/09/your-homework-assignment/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/the-thing.jpgthe-thingIT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!! (See what I did there?)https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/barkin.jpgbarkinReason number 13,445 to be envious of Al Pacinohttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/busey.jpgbuseyRIP, Angelo Pappas (Oops! Spoiler alert!)https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/mickey.jpgmickeyOh, Mickey. What happened, dude?https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/storms.jpgstormsSEGA!!2012-02-09T21:51:22+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/02/03/enough-is-enough/2012-02-10T17:58:00+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/02/01/what-is-wrong-with-you-people/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/awesomedinosaur.jpgawesomedinosaurNot sure what sort of workout program that is, but it beats P-90X all to hell.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/yaryar.jpgyaryarIronically, no searches for "Ronaldinho looks like a slightly-racist stereotype CG douchebag"2012-02-02T12:09:26+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/01/24/clearance-sale-everything-must-go/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/notes.gifnotesSee? What's not to get?https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/120x60_skull.jpg120x60_skullI should really be charging for this shit.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/gold-foil-chaps-z.jpgGold-foil-chaps-ZOh, crap...it's the boss. Look busy!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/bulge.jpgbulgeOkay, this theory needs work.2012-01-28T03:59:10+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/01/16/that-one-guy/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/efron.jpgefronThe same number of people that saw that episode of Firefly saw "New Year's Eve" on opening weekend.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/perlman.jpgperlman"Say, you have a powerful jawline. We'd like to make you look like a kitty-cat. Cool?"https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/clancy.jpgclancyIn some ways, Mr. Krabs is the most intimidating dude in this picture.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/jonathan.jpgjonathanNot pictured: Man Ray's beard.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/lang.jpglangTechnically, they're both saying "Get off mah land!"https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/norman.jpgnormanOne's a white-trash badass, and the other, is, uh...2012-02-01T16:12:19+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/01/11/tweetin-aint-cheatin/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/award.jpgawardBack in '06 I used the FUCK out of the web!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/orange.jpgorangeDuckface + fake tan =fail. https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/thennow.jpgthennowI should aim for that freakishly giraffe-like neck...2012-01-19T01:13:27+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2012/01/05/the-trek-wars/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/2009-04-26-kirkleia.jpg2009-04-26-kirkleiaYou know, somehow this just makes sense.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/hyperspace.jpghyperspaceSLOW THE FUCK DOWN! This is a real-wheel drive!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/kirk-uhura-kiss.jpgkirk-uhura-kissIt's the laurels. Bitches love laurels.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/237-f.jpg237-F...no. Please. No.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/232980-jar_jar_binks_large.jpeg232980-jar_jar_binks_largeNo, Cthulhu...THIS is the "Thing That Should Not Be."https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/farscape.jpgfarscapeThis...this wasn't really a thing, was it?https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/ecko-star-wars.pngecko-star-warsWhoa, whoa, WHOA!!! Mark Ecko doesn't know the DIFFERENCE?!?!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/wil_wheaton.jpgWil_Wheaton"Hey, everybody! Welcome to the panel on Magnets!"https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/indy.jpgindyWhy did this movie suck? Two guesses...2012-01-12T01:11:19+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/12/19/why-she-fights/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/iraq2.jpgiraq2Pictured: The Futurehttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/iraq.jpgiraqIt doesn't hurt that she's pretty cute...2011-12-22T11:43:02+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/12/14/randomsauce-with-a-side-of-wtf-and-the-lord/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/50474_150189171685405_6930_n.jpg50474_150189171685405_6930_n"Lifeboats? You want fekkin LIFEBOATS?!"https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/2409816317_89da1807ac.jpg2409816317_89da1807acThis shit actually happened.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/19852.jpg19852Third floor: bathware, linens, and the overthrow of humanity...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/passed_out_drunk-12730.gifpassed_out_drunk-12730Pictured: The Rectory at St. Paul's2011-12-22T21:18:46+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/12/06/old-timey-movie-time-time-part-three/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/casablanca_bergman.jpgcasablanca_bergmanShe was two inches taller than most of her co-stars. And obviously way more attractive.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/rick-blaine-00-645-75.jpgrick-blaine-00-645-75He was only 5'8" and had a face like a hound dog. And he RULED.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/the-battle-of-the-bulge-08.jpgThe-Battle-Of-The-Bulge-08"Ve shall be needing a bigger boat, mein herr."https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/the-battle-of-the-bulge-01.jpgThe-Battle-Of-The-Bulge-01Eat your heart out, Spielberg!2011-12-06T17:34:18+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/12/01/old-timey-movie-time-time-part-two/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/kathy.jpgkathyWhy, she's pretty enough to be Princess Leia's mom! Oh, wait...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/220px-stalag_17.jpeg220px-Stalag_17He looks smug because he totally escapes.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/war_worlds_pal_8_x.jpgwar_worlds_pal_8_xWhat? Can't be Martians. Martians use flying saucers. Must be Commies!2011-12-06T22:30:32+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/11/30/old-timey-movie-time-time-intermission/2011-12-06T14:59:23+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/11/29/old-timey-movie-time-time-part-one/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/person_holding_beer_in_plastic_cup_iai012000590.jpgPSo, Mr. Bond! We meet again!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/men-hair-cut-5.jpgmen-hair-cut-5"Sorry, I can't talk right now. I've got douchebag stuff to do."https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/64309-1.jpg64309.1Feast your eyes, ladies!2012-01-01T21:04:21+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/11/22/words-my-wife-hates/2011-11-23T13:35:26+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/11/17/randomity/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/cracked-asphalt-1286185166_11.jpgCracked asphaltNo problem! We'll have this banged out in about twenty years.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/barqs-red.jpgbarqs-redDon't know what it is, but I drank the shit ouf of it in college art class.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/1246337_f260.jpg1246337_f260Whaddayouknow! Heaven has a front gate!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/tumblr_l7o9g75ve81qblk24o1_500.jpgtumblr_l7o9g75Ve81qblk24o1_500This exists.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/joshhutcherson.jpgJoshHutchersonWu Tang is not a group of troubadors to be trifled with lightly, good sir.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/indiana-jones-nazi.jpgindiana-jones-naziGet...out...of...my...SHOE!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/snow-on-car_682_1179218a.jpgsnow-on-car_682_1179218aWEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!2011-11-20T18:45:34+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/11/09/chicks-man/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/3926205.jpg3926205She's smart. Perhaps tooo smart...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/mary_stuart_masterson-005.jpgMary_Stuart_Masterson-005Okay, so...maybe she looks a little like Ricky Schroeder. I LOVE HER ANYWAY!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/lea.jpgleaGo ahead and pretend you don't remember this. It's okay.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/lea-1.jpglea-1She totally looked into her son's underwear. In a bad way.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/debforeman.jpgdebforemanShe looks smart. Maybe toooo smart...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/1984-catherine-mary-stewart.jpg1984-Catherine-Mary-StewartEat your heart out, Cynthia Gibb!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/kimberlyfoster1.jpgkimberlyfoster1As beautiful as a late-eighties Gretzky backhander.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/kimberly20foster20pd.jpgKimberly%20Foster%20(PD)She looks great considering her co-star was Bobcat Goldthwait.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/corrine.gifcorrineThe sexiest "DERP!" you'll see all day.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/kelli-maroney2.jpgKelli Maroney2I don't think she's a real cheerleader...2014-12-06T01:06:29+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/11/03/on-hipsters-and-nickelback/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/nickelblack-0061.jpgNickelBlack-006"Whatcha thinkin' about, Chad?" Oh, just rock stuff.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/nickelblack-006.jpgNickelBlack-006"Whatcha thinkin' about, Chad?" Oh, just rock stuff.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/1anp.jpg1anpOr worse...a KIA commercial.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/misfits-t-shirt.jpgmisfits-t-shirtThey just don't wear it quite this well.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/hipsterpbr2.jpghipsterpbr2Thanks for ruining one of my favorite beers, assholes.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/descendents-all-front.jpgDescendents-All-frontYou're welcome, GreenBlinkCharlotteFX!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/meandmatt.jpgmeandmattPeople fail to realize that we ALL looked like this.2024-01-04T14:03:06+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/10/24/watch-the-magic-pumpkin-watch/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/joeandmarshall.jpgjoeandmarshallWhen Joe was younger and had hair, he hung out with better people.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/bad-halloween-candy-4.jpgbad-halloween-candy-4See? We're all sort of beige on the inside! Just like Lord Vader!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/skittlescandyoriginal-1-1.jpgSkittlesCandyOriginal-1-1You're fucking with me, aren't you? Yeah. You're fucking with me.2012-05-11T15:22:02+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/10/18/quick-and-dirty/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/longshanks.jpglongshanks"...the FUCK is he doing?!?"https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/zombie-segway-ii-l-1.jpegzombie-segway-ii-L-1While writing this piece, I had NO IDEA that this was already a thing! Seriously, Google "zombie on a seqway." I'll wait.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/dinkhat.jpgdinkhatTOTALLY not 'shopped.2011-10-31T03:50:14+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/10/12/random-pancake-tampons/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/evil_wallaby.jpgEvil_WallabySwear to God, this already existed on the internet. It just happened to be perfect.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/terra-nova-tv-series.jpgTerra Nova TV SeriesYou also wish there were more to this, don't you? Me, too.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/streeturchins.jpgstreeturchinsD'awwwww!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/airplane-crash2.jpgAirplane CrashOh! Okay, yeah...up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, THEN B-A-Start. Got it.2011-10-13T09:27:33+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/10/05/super-questions/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/drunk.jpgdrunkYou wouldn't like me when I'm angr-GAAHHH!! BEES! BEES IN MY MIND!! I'LL FIGHT YOU!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/nuclear-man.jpgNuclear-ManIn fairness, THIS is the worst thing to come out of the Superman franchise.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/spider-monkey.jpgSpider-MonkeyA crime is in progress...must throw poop!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/hulk.jpghulkHULK WANT TWO WOLVERINES!!2011-10-06T15:07:35+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/09/27/geek-rant-big-bang-theory-isnt-funny/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/god-hates-sentries.jpgGod Hates SentriesSOME of you have got to get this...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/bazinga.jpgbazingaYes. We know.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/joke.jpgjokeMAKE HIM STOP! I'M PEEING MY PANTS! AGAIN!!2016-11-11T19:55:21+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/09/23/ah-these-kids-today-part-2-electric-boogaloo/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/taylor.jpgtaylorSexy as FUCK.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/pink.jpgpinkDUDE! TWELVE!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/ana_rexia.jpgana_rexiaDude...she's like twelve.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/kit.jpgkitBest. Science project. Ever.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/images.jpgimagesSorry! I meant your OTHER daughter!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/toddler.jpgtoddlerThe face of evil.2023-06-14T21:01:47+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/09/13/ah-these-kids-today-part-one/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/willy-horizon.jpgwilly-horizon"The snozberries taste like YOUR SOUL!!!"https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/nice_dreams.jpgnice_dreamsThey grow up so fast...sniff...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/amish.jpegAmishOr they could just watch this.2011-09-15T15:06:56+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/08/31/nsfw/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/quarter.jpgquarterYou know you want it...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/optometrist.jpgoptometristOkay, look right here while I fuck with your cornea for no good reason...https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/meat.jpgmeatI swear to God...do NOT search for "huge meat" with the safe search filter off.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/kid.jpgkidDaddy, why did you call my teacher an ass-whore?2011-08-31T18:06:06+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/08/24/white-people/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/soulbrother.jpgsoulbrotherSoul Brother Numba One, Mothafucka!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/vikingbadass.jpgvikingbadassThe Nordic Willy Wonkahttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/murrays.jpgmurraysPictured: a lifetime supplyhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/heath.jpgheathIt's like looking into the face of God himself.2011-08-29T23:52:29+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/08/16/i-been-thinkin/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/green_goblin_truck.jpggreen_goblin_truckKAAAA-CHOWWWW!!!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/speedy1.jpgspeedyNot pictured: Velma.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/speedy.jpgspeedyNot pictured: Velma.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/carrot-top-plastic-surgery2.jpgcarrot-top-plastic-surgerySleep tight.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/carrot-top-plastic-surgery1.jpgcarrot-top-plastic-surgerySleep tight.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/michael-jackson-kissing-girl1.jpgmichael-jackson-kissing-girlSeriously, the second image that showed up in a Google image search for "pedophile."https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/carrot-top-plastic-surgery.jpgcarrot-top-plastic-surgerySleep tight.https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/michael-jackson-kissing-girl.jpgmichael-jackson-kissing-girlSeriously, the second image that came up when I Googled "pedophile."2011-08-17T04:23:57+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/08/05/thoughts-from-the-kitchen/https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/coroner1.jpgcoronerHot diggity dog!https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/franzia_sunset_blush_5l.giffranzia_sunset_blush_5LThe first Google image search for "Grandma's fridge."https://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/coroner.jpgcoronerhttps://turnerwatson.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/bread1.jpgbreadPictured: breh2011-08-17T04:31:13+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.com/2011/07/26/25-untrue-things-about-me/2011-09-29T12:47:26+00:00monthlyhttps://turnerwatson.comdaily1.02026-04-02T20:47:04+00:00