“I Pranked Him to Death!”

Turner L. Watson

Hey, kids!  Lots of news on the ol’ T-Dub front these days.  I’ll blog about it all later this week.  In the meantime, just a couple of fun tricks to try to further the cause of chaos.  Boy, do I love chaos.  Heck, I even love iheartchaos.com!  Anyway, the first of these occurred to me whilst wading through the human refuse that is Chuck E. Cheese’s.  Enjoy responsibly…

 

Please, good sir...throw us a crust...a chicken wing...ANYTHING!! It's been...it's been WEEKS!!

 

Okay, so there’s this ride at the Rat Haus wherein the kid sits in a little car with a fiberglass replica of Chuck.  The car goes forward and back for a few minutes then PRESTO!  A blurry black and white picture of your confused toddler and Chuck pops out, making it look the two are off to get Marcellus’s briefcase back.  (Shoulda brought shotguns.) Well, more often than not, the li’l tyke runs off to jam some more tokens into another game or ride, leaving the picture to sit there in the hopper.  Not like you don’t already have thirty of ’em on your fridge, right?  Shit, kid…mommy and daddy know what you look like already!  What to do with all those discarded images?  Simple!  Scoop ’em up.  Take ’em home.  Enlarge them, print them out, and hang ’em up all over town as “CHILD MISSING” posters.  Boy, mom & dad are gonna be in for a surprise when the local news comes a-callin’!

 

Then again, promotional opportunities GALORE!

 

Perhaps you’re skipping Chuck’s for today.  Good call.  Head on down to the Super China Buffet III.  But make sure you take some pre-printed fortune cookie fortunes.  I like to use phrases like “HaHa!  Stupid round-eye!  That no crab Rangoon!” Or perhaps a venomous “REMEMBER LAOS!!  Die, Yankee!”  Or my personal fave, best as a hand-written note: “I peed in your rice!”  Then simply walk briskly and angrily to the front desk and present these “fortunes” to the confused manager.  Your meal is free!

 

Unless this guy is the kitchen manager. Then run. Run your ASS off.

 

This final one is a little tricky, but also simpler. It’s tough o carry out nowadays because big giant stores like Wal Mart tend to have their PA systems under closer scrutiny thanks to idiots like myself.  But if you DO happen to find an unattended store paging phone (some budget stores just have a keyable CB handset) grab it and tip off a quick all-store page for “Cleanup, STAT!  Feminine hygiene! Bring a mop, some absorbent towels, and a bucket of sawdust!”  Watch ’em scurry.

 

Subtlety? Look elsewhere.

 

I’ll talk to you later this week.  It’ll be a good ‘un.  Until then…

11 thoughts on ““I Pranked Him to Death!””

  1. Chuck e cheese… My childhood… See unlike most kids I knew better then to go to the car with chuck e… Shit happened and I was t scared to even look at him…. *Shivers*

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  3. A friend of mine, when he worked at KMart, had these guys go up to the customer service desk and ask the lady to page a “Lick Mahclit”. She did it, several times, before the manager came hauling ass over there lol.

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  4. Oh how I miss the days of pranking. Here in Ann Arbor they’re a buncha tight-asses who don’t ever seem to understand the concept of ‘no harm, no foul.’ Back in Bum Fuck Egypt, Ohio, however, pranking folks is all there is to do for entertainment, no matter how old you are. I recently heard this one from one of my buddies which I WILL be trying as soon as muhfuckin’ possible:

    Haul ass into a gas station looking all disheveled and distraught. Point to the cashier and yell, “What year is it?!” When they confusedly tell you 2012, that’s when you start laughing maniacally and say, “BY GOD!! It worked!” Then run to your car and peel out of there like a bat outta Hell.

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