I PROMISE to get on a more regular blogging schedule.  New work hours, kids out of school…it’ll be rough, but I think I can do it.  Thanks, in the meantime, for your patience.  Now, on with the countdown…

Let’s begin with a bit of a primer for those who have been off-net since 1998.  Merriam-Webster defines a “meme” thusly:

“an idea, behavior, style, or usage that spreads from person to person within a culture”
Fair enough.  But that doesn’t really capture the modern interpretation.  Specifically, the Internet meme (rhymes with ‘beam’).  Since it’s the future and everything, here’s what Wikipedia has to say: ‘An Internet meme is an idea that is propagated through the World Wide Web. The idea may take the form of a hyperlink, video, picture, website, hashtag, or just a word or phrase, such as intentionally misspelling the word “more” as “moar” or “the” as “teh”.’

In other words, Pedobear.  It’s “I see what you did there.”   It’s goatse (I WILL NOT HYPERLINK THAT!!!)  It’s “Dog Fort” and “LOLCats.” It’s “Chocolate Rain” and so on.  Usually, these things find their way to Facebook and other social media in the form of a one-sheet graphic with some sort of hilarious caption, because those are just easier to share.  And that’s all the education you’re getting, because if you didn’t know what a meme was previous to this post, you are now saying to yourself  “Oh!  So they’ve got a name for this phenomenon!”  They do.  Here endeth the lesson.

On to my faves.  I actually sort of got a minor meme going a while back with a photo of my son Simon enjoying his sixth birthday celebration.  Like many modern memes, it was based on (stolen from) another well-known image:  the Cocaine Bear.  Basically, a large Kodiak bear with snow all over his face bellowing “I FUCKING LOVE COCAINE!”  Mine was a kid with birthday cake.  So, yeah…

Others hopped on the bandwagon for those .18 seconds and replaced my caption with their own, with text ranging from “THIS IS SPARTA!” to other less savory remarks that made me glad that this one was short-lived. And therein lies the life-cycle of most internet memes.  They come and go so very quickly…today’s Gotye and “Call Me Maybe” memes will be tomorrow’s “Scumbag Steve” or Rebecca Black. But the truly great ones endure.  Memes like…

Philosoraptor

This one has been around for so long, there are actually a variety of different image macros in use.  My favorite is the one seen below, the two-color raptor pondering the universe, a wise finger/claw to his lip (even though the large claw on velociraptor was on his foot, so…he must be fairly flexible.)  Philosoraptor often asks simple questions about things no one ever truly answers, like “Where in the story does it say Humpty Dumpty was an egg?”  Because this meme is so popular, there’s a lot of complete crap out there associated with Philosoraptor.  But there are tons of  gems, too…

Fry

Yes, the guy from Futurama.  You’ll also see this meme listed as “Suspicious Fry” or “Doubting Fry” or some other description based on, well…the look on Fry’s face in this particular macro.  The beauty of this entry is it can be used over and over and over.  It is truly timeless.  Most of the best Fry meme entries begin with “Not sure if…” and then an ironic observation.  This message is so omnipresent, you’ll see the phrase used in regular text posts and Facebook comments: Not sure if ugly baby or retarded dwarf…

Fry (and all the Futurama characters, actually) can be found in multiple memes, often cross-pollinating and taking on lives of their own.  Fry pops up in “Oh!  I see what you did there…” and countless others.  Classic.

Courage Wolf There are dozens of great Advice Animal internet memes.  Some of them aren’t really giving advice; they just make observations on specific situations, like “Socially Awkward Penguin” and some go out of their way to give terrible advice, like the aptly-named “Bad Advice Kitten.”  But Courage Wolf (along with his considerably more aggressive and downright psychotic cousin, the “Insanity Wolf”) dishes out the ass-kicking that you need.  Take those trite, over-used motivational posters and turn up the volume 550% and you get Courage Wolf. One of the best examples that I can remember is where Courage Wolf (just a snarling wolf head on a yellow-gold pinwheel quartered background) looked me in the eye and told me “The only thing standing between you and your dreams is YOUR pussy ass!”  Fuck, I needed to hear that.  And honestly felt better after reading  that message.  “If God gives you lemons, FIND A NEW GOD!!

60’s Spidey My love of ol’ web-head has been well-documented.  He’s one of my all-time favorites for so many reasons.  That may be why I like this meme so goddam much.  It takes scenes from the old 1960’s Spider-Man cartoon (from whence came the insanely stupid but catchy Spider-Man theme song) and adds non-sequitur quotes or captions.  Most of them make absolutely no sense, and many are hilarious.  My faves are the “LOL What am I doing?” captions,  because after looking at the damned scene you ask yourself the same question.

Honorable Mentions

You’re gonna hafta Google these or play catch-up on Reddit, ’cause I ain’t got time to get into ’em all.  Some of these are fairly recent, and as such haven’t proved their mettle.  But dig ’em while they last…

Berks.  I love the “Berks” meme.  Specifically, I love trying to translate what the unfortunate-looking young lady is saying in the captions.  The good ones will literally make you cry with laughter.

Scumbag Steve (Scumbag Everything) It started out as a chavvy-looking douche in matching coat and flat-brimmed cap basically bumming smokes, weed, your sister, etc.  It’s since evolved into  Scumbag *insert person/website here* wherein one thing is promised but something else entirely is delivered.

All The Things! Another X the Y style image macro.  A crudely drawn cartoon person holding a broom (or paintbrush?  Unlit torch?  Hard to tell) and pumping a fist in the air exhorts you to “Upvote all the posts!” or “Close all the tabs!” or somesuch.

Brace yourself…X is coming. This sprung from the iconic picture of the stoic Ned Stark from the Game of Thrones HBO series warning the people of Westeros that “Winter is Coming.”  This meme is used on the likes of Reddit to warm “Brace yourselves.  The Halloween costume posts are coming.”  In other words, an impending flood of comments or posts on some recent event or news item. The incredible thing is, this meme lives on even though the Ned Stark character is (spoiler alert!) beheaded in season one of that series.

Call Me Maybe.  This is fairly new, and in response to that insipid song that you’ll hear all summer.  My favorite thus far involves George Michael from Arrested Development hopefully saying “call me, Maeby.”  Darth Vader, Leslie Nielsen (“Don’t call me maybe.”) amdothers have taken up the chant, but this one will only last as long as the song.  In other words, prolly as bit too long.

Oh, jeez.  Out of time.  Of course, as I put this puppy together, I see no fewer than two other sites doing “Top Meme” posts.  Good timing…I haz it!  Until next time…